


Thieving Hearts and Free Will

by greenteafiend



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-10-25 16:01:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 37,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10767624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenteafiend/pseuds/greenteafiend
Summary: Zuko thinks his luck is finally improving when he finds the Avatar's waterbender unconscious and half-drowned on the beach beside his vessel. However, when she comes to it is obvious that there is something seriously wrong with her. Koh is not the only thief from the spirit world...





	1. The Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> This happens towards the end of season 1, after the Northern Air Temple and before the Waterbending Master.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Open the cell you idiots!" said Zuko impatiently. She was no use to him damaged.
> 
> He pulled her away from the wall roughly, and turned her around to slam her back against it, holding her by her wrists.
> 
> "What the hell are you doing!" he yelled in her face. Then he was staring into her eyes in shock. Instead of the familiar defiant blue of the water tribe, her eyes were black. Pitch black, and bottomless. A chill ran down his spine, and he knew instinctively that it wasn't the waterbender girl who was staring back at him.

Chapter 1 - The Discovery

It was Zuko who found her, lying awkwardly on her side with the waves lapping her calves and one arm half buried in the sand.

He carefully laid two fingers against her throat, flinching against how cold her skin was. He found her pulse and it surprised him how relieved he was. Her heartbeat was erratic and weak, fluttering faintly against his fingers, but definitely there.

She didn't stir when he pushed her thick hair away from her face. All her exposed skin - her face, neck, and arms - were covered in cuts and scrapes, as if she had decided to go running through rose-brambles.

He carried her back to the ship quickly, wanting to put distance between her and her element.

He ordered two men to stand guard on the cell and to inform him as soon as she regained consciousness. He thought to himself that maybe the tides of fate had finally turned in his favor.

* * *

 

It was midday when one of his men banged on his bedroom door, telling him that he needed to come quickly. The prisoner had woken up, but something wasn't right.

She was standing in the corner of her cell banging her head against the wall when he arrived. Zuko was momentarily shocked. He expected crying, screaming, complaining, poor attempts at water bending, but not _madness_.

"Sir, since she woke up she's been doing this!" said one of the guards, breaking him out of his stupor.

"Open the cell you idiots!" said Zuko impatiently. She was no use to him damaged.

He pulled her away from the wall roughly, and turned her around to slam her back against it, holding her by her wrists.

"What the hell are you doing!" he yelled in her face. Then he was staring into her eyes in shock. Instead of the familiar defiant blue of the water tribe, her eyes were black. Pitch black, and bottomless. A chill ran down his spine, and he knew instinctively that it wasn't the waterbender girl who was staring back at him. It was something… _else_.

"Get my uncle," said Zuko faintly to no one in particular.

Then she stared to laugh, but it wasn't her laugh. It held a note of cruelty that made the sound inhuman. The flames lighting the room began to flicker ominously, and her laughter increased in volume.

Thoroughly unnerved, Zuko shook her and yelled in her face once more,

"Stop it! Snap out of it!"

The edges of the shadows in the room began to blur, and round dark figures with long thin arms blossomed like drops of ink on parchment across the walls. They flitted around the cell, seemingly straining against the walls. Thoroughly unnerved, Zuko let go of the girl in surprise.

She took a step towards him, eyes suddenly narrowed in calculation.

 _"What a lovely heart,"_ she said in that unnervingly inhuman voice, a voice far deeper and darker than her own.

She went unnaturally still for a moment before lunging forward with her hand curved like a talon, aiming for his chest as if she were going to scoop his heart right out of his chest.

Zuko dodged and grabbed her arm, using her momentum to slam her against wall. He pinned her with his weight.

She struggled with much more strength than a girl her size ought to have. She nearly managed to wretch her arms out of Zuko's grip, struggling with so much force that he was worried she was going to dislocate her own shoulders.

"Don't just stand there! Help me restrain her!" he yelled at the remaining guards, who had been standing slack jawed and shocked.

Before they could do anything, the girl managed to break free. She put one hand on his chest, and with an evil smirk, she pushed him, sending him flying into the wall behind him and knocking the breath from his body.

She advanced towards him with a predatory glint in her black eyes.

"What should we do now sir?" asked one of the guards fearfully.

"FIREBEND YOU FOOLS!" yelled Zuko, struggling to get back to his feet.

"But I'm not a firebender!" replied the other guard, scratching his head.

The girl lunged and Zuko dodged.

"Jin, _firebend!_ Ma Tun, _you're holding a spear!_ Use it!" yelled Zuko in frustration, still dodging the girl's pursuit.

Finally, Jin sent a fireball at her. She ducked at the last moment and sank into a crouch, hissing at him like a cat and shifting her focus away from Zuko.

She moved towards Ma Tun with inhuman speed, sidestepping his spear to grab him by the throat. She threw him into Jin, as if he weighed nothing.

Zuko threw a fire-whip at the girl. She flipped away with an angry hiss and flitted out of the room.

Zuko was side-tracked from pursuing her out of the cell when the shadowy creatures on the walls suddenly started shimmering. He watched in horror as they began _peeling_ themselves from the walls.

They were like small balls of dense black smoke, with indistinct edges and reed-like limbs. They had two very bright spots for eyes that gleamed like gemstones with malevolence.

They reached for Zuko, trying to smother him. Zuko lashed out with fire and most shrank away from him. Some disappeared into puffs of black smoke.

"Take care of these… things!" yelled Zuko at the two guards, who had recovered by then.

Zuko sprinted away, intent on pursuing the girl and stopping her before she could do too much damage. He followed the sound of yells and the trail of black shadows peeling themselves from the wall up the stairs.

His crew were fighting the shadows in a panic, but for every one they struck down, another peeled itself from the walls.

Zuko sprinted around a corner just in time to see one of his men being thrown bodily out of the mess hall ahead. His cry was cut short by his impact with the wall outside, and Zuko heard that horrible voice laughing manically from within.

Inside the mess hall was chaos. The black creatures outnumbered his men three to one.

The girl had the ship medic pinned against a wall by the throat. The helmsman tried to punch a fireball at her, only for a smoke creature to launch itself in the way, and another to grab him around the waist and pull him away.

With a running leap, Zuko performed a side flip, bringing his leg down powerfully to produce a lash of fire.

It nicked the girl's cheek when she was too slow to dodge, and she hissed with rage.

She dropped the medic to launch herself at him, leaping halfway across the room in one bound, clearly aiming for his chest. Zuko dodged, and then found himself on the defensive, having to continuously dodge.

The girl was relentless in her pursuit of him, lashing out with bared teeth and the aggressiveness of a disturbed buzzard wasp.

 _"Give me your heart Prince Zuko!"_ she shrieked.

Abruptly all the black smoke creatures in the mess hall stopped fighting his men, and started converging on him.

They grabbed his arms and legs, clinging like tightly coiled snakes.

Zuko struggled furiously, but through sheer numbers, they were able drag him down, until he was pinned spread-eagled on his back and hardly able to breath.

It happened so quickly that the crew were too stunned to move.

The creatures were uncomfortably warm; Zuko was suffocating under their combined weight. They all had what felt like a pulse, beating in harmony. Zuko vibrated with the staccato rhythm.

_Thump thump, thump thump…_

His could feel his own heartbeat speeding up as he struggled to free himself. The pulse of the creatures sped up to match. For some reason this panicked Zuko beyond all reason causing him to wretch his arms and legs even harder to get free, but it was in futile. The creatures held him too tightly.

_Thump thump thump thump thump…_

The girl approached him with a predatory gait, one hand curved into a claw. Zuko was terrified.

_Thumpthumpthunp…_

And then just as suddenly as it started, it ended, with General Iroh upending a bucket of water over her head.

The black smoke creatures vanished instantly, and the girl collapsed into a heap on the floor.


	2. Making Sense of Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Zuko, I’m d-dangerous. The thing i-inside me… it’ll be b-back...”

Zuko clutched at his chest, trying to control his breathing. His heart was beating a million miles a minute and he just couldn’t seem to get enough air in into his lungs; it was making him lightheaded.

“Breathe more slowly Zuko, in… and out… in… and out. That’s it, nice and slow…” Iroh knelt by his side and laid a comforting hand on his back.

Zuko did as he was bid with conscious effort. Eventually his swimming vision came back into sharper focus, and he was able to look up.

“Uncle, _what was that_?” he asked in bewilderment. He scrutinized the girl lying on the floor not five feet from him.

Iroh didn’t answer until Zuko looked at him with wide eyes, prompting a reply.

“You were hyperventilating,” he replied in a measured tone.

“That is _not_ what I meant,” snapped Zuko sourly, shaking Iroh’s hand off his back. He knew his uncle understood perfectly well what he meant, and was prevaricating. Iroh sighed.

 “We’ll discuss this… just not in front of the crew,” he finally conceded, indicating to the men behind them with a nod.

Zuko looked to his men, and the faces that stared back at him were shocked and fearful. The room was wrecked; scorch marks everywhere, broken tables and chairs. Thankfully, no one seemed to be seriously injured.

Iroh offered Zuko a hand to help him up, but Zuko ignored it and stood tall and straight on his own.

“Start cleaning up this mess,” he ordered, “And someone take the prisoner back to her cell,” the men shifted uneasily at that command.

He sighed, “On second thought, just clean up the mess, I’ll take the girl myself,” he amended. After all, if you wanted something done properly…

He approached the girl, but found that he couldn’t bring himself to touch her. He shuddered in revulsion, remembering the otherworldly rhythm that had thrummed through his body as those creatures had all but suffocated him…

“Zuko, are you sure?” his uncle was concerned. His uncle thought he was _afraid_. It was that more than anything else that made him steel his spine and lift the limp form from the ground. He let out an even breath when nothing happened.

Zuko was never one to shirk his duties. He carried her onto the ship; he would deal with the repercussions. He would show no fear or weakness, his honour demanded it.

Iroh accompanied him, hovering protectively a half-step behind him, as if he was afraid the girl would wake up at any moment and try to claw Zuko’s heart from his very chest.

“ _Now_ tell me uncle, _what in Agni’s name was that_?” asked Zuko impatiently once they were out of earshot.

The girl clasped against his chest was anything but intimidating, she wasn’t even _heavy_ , yet she had torn through him and his men like they were nothing, only to be stopped by a bucket of water.

There was silence for a beat as Iroh considered.

“It was a spirit… The girl has been possessed. As a bender she draws strength from her element, strength enough to hold the spirit at bay, at least for a little while.”

“How did you know pouring water on her would snap her out of it?” asked Zuko curiously.

“I _didn’t_ ,” replied Iroh grimly, “We must leave water near her,” he continued.

As much as he was loath to give a captive free access to their element, Zuko privately agreed.      

Uncle held the door open for him, and Zuko placed the girl on the slightly smoking cot in the corner. The whole room was quite badly scorched, and Zuko wondered what exactly Jin and Ma Tun done to it when he left.

“Nephew, the lock is broken.” Zuko sighed heavily. Why was his crew so useless?

“Let me see…” it was cracked and burnt to a crisp. Someone needed to have words with Jin about his firebending.

“We can just chain it shut for now. I’ll stay here with her if you go get a chain and the water-”

“You go uncle, I’ll say,” said Zuko. He was not _weak_. He did not need to be coddled.

Iroh frowned, but left without comment.

Zuko took the opportunity to scrutinise girl closely. Lying unconscious, curled on her side, she looked impossibly young and fragile. Her eyelashes were long, brushing against her check. She had small hands and spare wrists that looked like he could snap them with is bare hands if he wanted to. 

When she was awake, and in her right mind, the only thing about her that Zuko registered was that she was an obstacle to what he wanted – the avatar.

It bothered him that she looked so… so small and weak.

Iroh wasn’t gone a minute before the girl started stirring. Zuko immediately took up a defensive position, one clenched fist by his face, an open palm facing forward. He kept his stance loose.

The girl groaned in pain and clutched at her head with a shaking hand.

She looked up and their eyes met. Zuko sighed in relief; her eyes were blue once more. Nonetheless, he didn’t relax his stance.

“Z-Zuko?” her voice was small and afraid.

“That’s _Prince_ Zuko to you, don’t move peasant or else I will attack,” he snapped.   

She took a deep breath, seeming to fortify herself, before slipping off the futon and getting to her feet shakily. Her knees trembled; it was obvious that keeping upright was taxing her greatly.

“Are you deaf?! I said don’t move!” snarled Zuko. She ignored his words and took a shaky step towards him.

“Zuko, I’m d-dangerous. The thing i-inside me… it’ll be b-back,” she stuttered. To Zuko’s horror, her eyes were filling with tears

“I’m warning you! Stop moving!” he yelled, igniting his fist.

“Y-you have to k-kill me,” the tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks.

Zuko’s fiery fist went out abruptly. He dropped his defensive stance unconsciously.

“What?” he said faintly.

“P-please. I d-don’t want to h-hurt anyone…” she looked at him imploringly with impossibly blue eyes.

“Well, _I_ don’t want to hurt you!” he retorted angrily. They both started at the vehemence of his statement, so incongruous with how he had behaved towards her previously. 

“ _No one_ is going to kill you,” he declaring, forcing his tone to be even, “And I won’t _allow_ you to hurt anyone,” he barked it like an order.  

“I-I’ve already hurt p-people, _please_ Zuko,” she begged. Her strength failed her and she half collapsed, half sat heavily, back down on futon.

At that moment, Iroh re-entered the room carrying a bucket full to the brim with water, and the chain.

“Now now, we aren’t going to kill you,” said Iroh firmly, “We may be able to exorcise the spirit that has possessed you, but first my nephew and I need to clean up the mess it made-”

“You could get rid of it!?” exclaimed the girl and Zuko simultaneously. Zuko cleared his throat.

“I mean, _yes_ , we could get rid of it, but first you need to answer some questions,” amended Zuko, crossing his arms pompously.

“Now tell me, _where is the Avatar_?” The girl had the spirit and audacity to roll her eyes.

“I don’t know! Even if I did I wouldn’t tell you,” her voice sounded stronger when she was being defiant.

“Where did you last see him? Where was he heading!?”

Iroh elbowed him, “Nephew, don’t you think we should be dealing with the _larger_ issue first?”

“What are you talking about Uncle? Restoring my honour _is_ the largest issue!”

“I left them because this _thing_ inside me wants Aang,” confided the girl, barely above a whisper. She hugged her knees to her chest, staring off into space bleakly. Zuko and Iroh shared a glance.

“The spirit wants the Avatar?” asked Zuko.

“It wants to _destroy_ him,” she clarified, “So if you ever want to catch him, you have to keep _me_ as far away as possible.”

“First Zhao, now this spirit... There is always something or someone getting in my way,” muttered Zuko wearily.  

“Oh no… it…it’s coming back” moaned the girl.

Iroh and Zuko watched in fascination as the girl’s eyes slowly clouded over until they were entirely black once more.

“ _Well, I thought she’d never leave_ ,” said the spirit dramatically, getting to her feet gracefully. The way she stood reminded Zuko of his sister, confident and lethally poised.

Zuko raised his hands in front of him, ready to defend. It took all his willpower to keep them steady.

“ _Now, now. I thought you just told my gracious host that you wouldn’t kill us?_ ” she cackled mockingly.

“Bring back the peasant!” demanded Zuko.

“ _Give me your heart and I might_ ,” she retorted.

She laughed that horrible inhuman laugh once more, until Iroh snatched up the bucket of water threw it in the her face.

Just like last time the effect with instantaneous; she keeled over limply.

“You secure her Uncle, I’m going to clean up her mess. Inform me when she wakes back up as _herself_ ,” said Zuko, before marching away, back to the mess hall. He didn’t want to see her tears, her weak trembling limbs, or hear her beg him again to end her life. Most of all, he didn’t want to see those chilling black eyes.

-

Setting the ship right after the girl’s rampage took them the better part of the next three hours. The medic was unconscious for more than half of that time, so Zuko found himself helping the Helmsman splint Jee’s broken arm, and clicking Jin’s dislocated shoulder into place.

“Jin, what the hell did you do to the lock in the brig?” Zuko demanded.

“Sorry sir, those smoky spirits tricked me!”

“Keep your arm straight.”

“Sorry si-OWWW.”

Fortunately, for everyone, the cook only had a mild concussion and was able to prepare dinner as usual. Unfortunately, even though they had cleared up the mess, their tables and chairs were still all broken.

Since it was a clear evening, Iroh made the suggestion that the men to take their meals up on deck. It was supposed to be music night, so that’s where everyone would end up anyway.

Zuko retreated to his room to eat in solitude.

He was just contemplating seeking out his Uncle to ask for more information about exorcising the spirit, when there was a knock on the door and the man himself entered.

“Uncle! Good, I was just about to find you to ask about…” he trailed off as another man stepped into the room on his heels.

General Zhao. Zuko glared at him.

“I’m taking your crew,” declared Zhao, with no preamble.

“WHAT?” Zuko sprang to his feet.

“I’ve recruited them for a little expedition to the North Pole.”

“Uncle, is that true?” he asked.

“I’m afraid it is. He’s taking everyone, even the cook!”

“I’m sorry you won’t be there to watch me capture the Avatar, but I can’t have you getting in my way again.”

Zuko didn’t realise that he’d lunged at Zhao until he felt Iroh holding him back.

Then he noticed what Zhao was examining, and ice slid down his spine; his dual dao swords mounted on the wall.

Zhao lifted one sword from its perch, and Zuko held his breath in anticipation.

“I didn’t know you were skilled in broad swords Prince Zuko…” remarked Zhao casually, giving the sword a swing with very poor form. Zuko resisted the urge to snatch it out of Zhao’s hands.

“I’m not. They’re antiques, purely decorative,” he said instead.

“Have you heard of the Blue Spirit Iroh?” asked Zhao conversationally, examining the blade closely.

Zuko barely heard the rest of their exchange; his thoughts were racing.

Zhao _knew_. Well, maybe he didn’t _know_ , but he would certainly _suspect_.

He would have to be a fool not to, and as much as Zuko disliked Zhao, he could acknowledge that the man was no fool.

He clenched his fists tightly, ready to fight if Zhao challenged him, but Zhao simply handed his sword back to Iroh.

“General Iroh, the offer to join my mission still stands.”

Zhao marched away without looking back.

“Why did you tell him you have no skill with broadswords?” asked Iroh suspiciously.

“You know father only made me take lessons because my bending is so poor, it isn’t a skill to be proud of.” The half-truth worked, and the suspicion melted off Iroh’s face and morphed into concern.

“Zuko, your bending is hardly _poor_ -”  

“Save it Uncle,” said Zuko with no real heat, “I’m losing my crew, but I still have the Avatar’s waterbender. I want you to tell me how to exorcise her. She’s a danger and a liability to anyone who comes across her. I can’t let that spirit destroy the Avatar.” _Before I catch him at least..._

“Do you remember the fire dance the fire sages perform on the winter solstice?”

“Of course.”

It was a complicated and flashy firebending form, which required a lot of precision and raw physical strength. Iroh has taught it to him when they first set out to sea as a training exercise, but Zuko had never actually performed it perfectly. It was impractical, many of the moves not easily applicable in a real battle situation. The last time Zuko saw the form, before he was banished, he remembered thinking that it looked more like a _dance_ than firebending.

“Do you remember why they perform it?” asked Iroh

“The solstice marks a decrease in the separation between two worlds, the line between mortal and spirit worlds becomes _blurred_. As such, it becomes easier to interact with spirits. There are many spirits that wish to do humans harm, and on the solstice, they could conceivably cross over to our world to wreak havoc. The form the fire sages perform is _protection_ from this,” recited Zuko dutifully.

Iroh beamed proudly.

“Well done nephew, I’m impressed you remembered my lesson.”

“Of course I remember; you made me learn that form for weeks and weeks!  How could I forget?”

It was very frustrating at the time, but in hindsight Zuko realized that Iroh was probably just trying to keep him occupied and not dwelling on… _unpleasant_ memories. The first year of his banishment was tough.

‘“ _Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner anywhere_.’ Isn’t it fortuitous that you have already learned the form you need to accomplish your goal? A treasure indeed.”

Zuko squinted at Iroh for a moment.

“…So by performing that form, we can get rid of the spirit?” he interpreted.   

“Yes! At least, I think it’s worth a shot. We should do it at night-time when the waterbender will be strongest to help fight the spirit off, and we should put some additional protective measures in place.”

“Good, we’ll do it tonight once the crew is gone… Oh no, Uncle, the crew! What if they tell Zhao!?” cried Zuko.

Iroh stroked his beard thoughtfully.

“He will interrogate them you know, it will be impossible to conceal what happened. He will take her.”

The thought filled Zuko with dread. If she asked Zhao to kill her, he would do it. Or worse, he would let her go in the hope that she would find and destroy the avatar for him.

“He won’t take her if we make it look like she’s already escaped…” said Zuko, a plan slowly forming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review if you’re intrigued, feel free to ask questions if you have any :) If you have any ideas/hypotheses of where you think this is going, I’d love to hear (read?) them! I also apologize for any typos, my bad!


	3. Survival Instincts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko's eyes widened in surprise. Through the window, he could see a familiar iguana parrot perched on the rails. It squawked and flapped away.  
> He had time to grab the girl's bound wrists before the first explosion rocked the bridge...

**Chapter 3 – Survival Instincts**

Hideo and Lim were supposed to be on guard duty that night, both having sustained only superficial injuries during the altercation with the spirit. Both of them were  _dreading_ it.

"Hideo, if those smoky things start coming out of the walls I'm running for it. I'll jump overboard if I have to, do you think they can swim?" asked Lim.

"You coward! Where is your Fire Nation pride and honor?" ribbed Hideo good-naturedly. Privately, he agreed wholeheartedly.

"Unlike you, I am not a firebender. Also unlike you, I have strong self-preservation instincts."

"You're lucky Prince Zuko is charge of the ship. I have a cousin working in a prison in the colonies, and the warden threw a captain overboard because he didn't know the difference between a buffalo and a bison!"

Hideo and Lim jumped in shocked when a new voice entered their conversation, "I can understand the confusion, buffalo and bison are very similar."

"G-genral Iroh!" Both men quickly stood at attention.

"Please," he gestured for them to stand at ease, "I've come to tell you the good news. You have the night off!"

"But who will be on guard duty sir?" asked Hideo. Lim elbowed Hideo to shut up. Iroh politely ignored this.

"I will be," he replied with a smile.

If the crew thought it was strange that General Iroh, Dragon of the West, was on Guard duty, they kept their thoughts to themselves.

Ostensibly, Iroh said it was because Prince Zuko wanted to give the crew a night off after the stressful events that day, and to prepare for their new stations on the morrow.

They left the ship in search of a local tavern in high spirits.

Meanwhile, Iroh and Zuko argued the logistics of their plan in the brig.

Zuko paced agitatedly in front of the cell. The girl was still out cold.

"Uncle, why don't I just open the cell and carry her out like this? There isn't anybody but us on the ship! Who would I be dressing up for?"

"Nephew, if a job is worth doing, it is worth doing well," said Iroh serenely.

"This is  _ridiculous_ ," grumbled Zuko.

"It was  _your_ idea," shrugged Iroh.

"My idea was to move the girl and  _say_ the blue spirit took her,  _not_  to actually dress up as the blue sprit!"

"But nephew, it will be more authentic this way…"

Zuko threw his hands up in defeat and stormed off to get changed.

When he returned, his Uncle was sitting calmly with a steaming cup of tea.

He put a hand to his chest in mock surprise when he caught sight of Zuko in his blue spirit getup.

"Oh my! The Blue Spirit! Please don't hurt me, I am but an old man!" he cried dramatically, " _Nice mask Zuko_ ," he added in a whisper.

Zuko ignored him in favour of braking the chain keeping the cell closed with a strike of his swords.

The girl was still unconscious. He tied her wrists together securely with a length of rope, before hefting her over his shoulder.

He was walking down a long stretch of corridor when he heard voices up ahead.

"…still be left when we get there?"

There was no time to go back, this stretch of corridor had no doors, and they were meters away…

"General Iroh won't be there so I'm sure there will be-"

Thinking fast, Zuko put the girl down on the floor, and leap up to grab the pipes running along the ceiling.

He pulled himself out of sight just as the men rounded the corner.

"Lim, look!"

Both men hesitated, unwilling to approach the girl.

" _Shit!_  W-what do we do? What is she doing  _here_!"

"I don't know! You go check her!"

"No,  _you_  go check her!"

"You're a firebender,  _you_  check her!"

"Well, you better get out your sword and have my back!"

When they got within striking range, Zuko dropped down from the ceiling, drawing his dual broadswords smoothly and crouching in front of the girl defensively.

Both men attacked in panic. It was feeble and sloppy.

It was nothing for Zuko to disarm without hurting them unduly. He bound their wrists with their own belts, and stuffed their mouths with their own wrist bands.

Zuko felt a pang of guilt, after all they were his own men, but he reasoned that as soon as he secured the girl he would come back and let them go.

He locked the girl safely in his quarters with no further mishaps, leaving her on his futon.

He changed back into his regular clothes and stowed his Blue Spirit costume away where no one would happen across it.

He headed back down, intending 'happen' upon his men and release them, but then he spotted Zhao boarding his ship, several of his men in tow. That was quicker than he expected. He made an about face to head straight for them. His poor men would have to wait.

He schooled his expression into one of vexation and panic. It was depressingly easy.

"Zhao? You're back again? I don't have time for this-" he said impatiently, trying to move past him.

"Ah ah, not so fast Prince Zuko. Your crew tells me you have an honored guest on board."

" _Had_ , we  _had_ a  _prisoner_ ," replied Zuko, infusing his voice with anger.

"What do you mean?"

"She escaped," he snarled.

"You expect me to believe your prisoner  _just_ escaped?"

"It's true Zhao, I was guarding her when she got away," Iroh had arrived. Zhao raised an eyebrow.

"A mere slip of a girl got away from under  _your_  nose? She escaped from Dragon of the West?" exclaimed Zhao incredulously.

"She had help. I saw the Blue Spirit," Zuko was impressed, his Uncle looked suitably haunted.

Zhao scowled. "You must take me for a  _fool_  if you think I'll believe  _that_. We  _both_  know who the blue spirit  _really_  is." He glared pointedly at Zuko.

"I don't care who you believe Zhao, I'm going to pursue them. Get out of my way-" said Zuko.

"Nephew no," interrupted Iroh, "Zhao, you spoke to the crew. Did they tell you what the girl did?"

Zhao eyed Iroh suspiciously.

"Farfetched tales about shadow demons. All lies no doubt."

"They  _weren't_  lies; the girl is possessed by an evil spirit. I beg of you Prince Zuko,  _don't go after her_. She's too dangerous."

"Check the brig," Zhao ordered his men. Two peeled off from the group and headed below deck. Zuko glared, but let them go without comment.

"This is a waste of time. She isn't on the ship anymore!"

They all waited in agitated silence for Zhao's men to return. They didn't return alone.

"There was no one there sir," they reported, "but we found these two men gagged and bound."

Hideo and Lim trailed behind Zhao's men looking disheveled and embarrassed.

"What happened to you two?" Zuko demanded.

"We were ambushed by the Blue Spirit! He had the girl with him."

"I told you!" cried Zuko.

"Sir there's something else…" injected one of Zhao's men, "we had a look in the mess hall. All the tables and chairs were broken. It looked like a battlefield in there."

"You won't object if I check Prince Zuko?"

Zuko made a show of stomping his foot and huffing indignantly, but they all marched to the mess hall together.

Zhao looked taken aback as he took in the damage, broken tables, broken chair, scorch marks and all.

"You're telling me  _one_  girl caused all this damage?"

"It took all our men to subdue her Lieutenant Zhao," said Iroh.

"Yes, and she's on the loose right now!" cried Zuko.

"She is obviously more dangerous than we gave her credit for... Prince Zuko, my men and I will personally search for the girl; she is no longer in your jurisdiction."

"What!?"

"Iroh, you may accompany us to lend assistance."

"I'm not sure how helpful I would be in your search-"

"I  _insist_ , after all, you actually know what the girl looks like," Iroh glanced at Zuko, and then back to Zhao. Iroh and Zuko both knew he didn't really have a choice.

"I would be honored," Iroh eventually replied, bowing his head respectfully.

"I need to buy some things from town anyway; it will be good to stretch my legs off this boat," he gave Zuko a meaningful look.

"Enjoy your banishment Prince Zuko," said Zhao spitefully, by way of farewell.

Zuko didn't have to try very hard to put on an angry expression as he watched them leave.

"Er… Sir…?" ventured Hideo. Lim elbowed him to shut up.

"What should we do now?"

"What are you two even doing here?" asked Zuko, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Lim forgot his silver, and I came with him because I wanted to drop off my helmet-" Zuko held up a hand wearily to stem the flow of words.

"It doesn't matter, I just want to be alone."

"So… Does that mean you don't mind if we go meet the others in the tavern?"

Zuko rolled his eyes.

"I think that means yes,  _let's go_ ," whispered Lim urgently.

Once they had disembarked, Zuko allowed himself to sigh in relief.

He supposed their plan could have gone worse. They succeeded in their objective in the end; making it look like the girl had escaped.

He was angry that Zhao had strong-armed Iroh off the ship and that he now had to wait for him to return for the next phase; the exorcism. If Iroh returned very late, it would have to wait for the next night.

They had decided to perform the ritual at a beach across the bay from where the ships where moored. It was surrounded by high sandstone cliffs, and if they moved inland enough no one would be able to see their firebending from the port.

The sun was well on its way down, there wasn't much longer to wait.

He returned to his room with a bucket of water, just in case. When he arrived, the girl was awake, and her eyes were blue.

He set the bucket down right in front of her and she immediately plunged both bound arms into it, sighing in relief.

"Thank you. Water really helps to keep it away," she murmured.

Zuko crossed his arms and considered the girl carefully, the way her brows were pinched together, and the way her shoulders were hunched.

"It's not hurting you is it?" he blurted.

She looked confused.

"The spirit, is it hurting you?" he clarified. He didn't like the idea of her being in pain longer than was strictly necessary.

She shrugged.

"Not physically." Zuko frowned, and found to his surprise that it was possible to dislike Zhao even more. If Zhao hadn't insisted on taking Iroh with him, they could be getting rid the spirit that very second.

"You seem… more yourself," he ventured cautiously.

"I'm stronger at night," replied the girl.

"But it's not night yet..? The sun won't set for another hour or so." The girl shrugged.

"It's nearly night then," she amended, "I… I can tell the moon is coming up," she disclosed hesitantly.

 _So uncle was right, she_ is _stronger at night…_ Zuko tacked that information away to tell Iroh later.

He sat at the opposite end of the room, cross-legged and facing the girl. He lit his meditation candles with the tip of his index finger and started his breathing exercises. Usually he would close his eyes as he made the flames grow and shrink with his breath, but needed to watch the girl.

"What are you doing?" she whispered.

"Meditating," he replied curtly.

"Where are we?"

"My quarters."

She started in surprise at that piece of information.

"W-what am I here for?" she asked in a quivering tone.

"Because General Zhao searched the ship and we needed to hide you so he couldn't take you prisoner himself. Now can you shut up? I'm trying to meditate," he snapped.

For some strange reason the girl looked relieved. She examined the room with open curiosity, no doubt cataloging everything she laid eyes on to use against him later. At least, that's what his sister would do.

They sat in silence that way until the sun had properly set, Zuko watching the girl, and the girl watching his dancing flames.

Suddenly he heard a sound. The creak of an un-oiled door hinge.

"Did you hear that?" whispered the girl.

Zuko put a finger to his lips, motioning for her to be silent.

He got up and opened the door to the hall.

"Uncle?" he called cautiously. No reply… but he had a feeling in his gut that something was  _off_. Iroh would have answered him directly…

The girl struggled to her feet.

"Something isn't right, I can  _feel_  it…" she whispered.

Zuko assumed a defensive stance, arms held loosely out in front.

" _Stay here_. I'll check it out," he ordered quietly. He had a funny feeling something was off too… Maybe that was why he closed the door, but didn't lock it.

He walked cautiously down the corridor, and nothing appeared. His relaxed a little, but decided to check the control room to be safe.

Everything seemed to be in order there too…

Feeling a bit foolish for his overreaction, Zuko went to turn back, but he caught movement out of the corner of his eye.

Fists flaming he confronted the intruder… only to come face to face with the girl. She was leaning heavily against a wall for support, her breathing laboured as if she had been running for miles.

"I told you to stay!" Zuko spluttered.

"S-something is wrong," she repeated. Her blue eyes darted around the room fearfully.

"Everything is fi-" Zuko's eyes widened in surprise. Through the window, he could see a familiar iguana parrot perched on the rails. It squawked and flapped away.

He had time to grab the girl's bound wrists before the first explosion rocked the bridge. The floor beneath their feet roiled violently, and the boom rang in Zuko's ears.

Acting on pure instinct, he yanked the girl,  _hard_ , and wrapped his arms around her so his back was facing the boiler outlet.

When the final explosion came a second later, he firebent a pocket around the two of them. They were blasted through the window of the control room, and out over the ocean.

He lost his grip on the girl as they hurtled through the air. The impact when he hit the ocean knocked the breath from his body.

For a terrifying minute he couldn't orient himself, it was dark and he couldn't tell which way was up. Once he figured it out, he struggled to swim upwards because his heavy armour was weighing him down. He undid the clasps with hurried clumsy fingers and pushed the items off his body in a panicked frenzy.

When he finally broke the surface of the water, he took heaving gulps of air.

The water around him was littered with debris from the ship. With a great groaning of metal pushed beyond its limits, the superstructure of the ship collapsed sideways with a loud crash into the ocean below, sending shock waves out through the water.

The girl… Her hands were tied; she wouldn't be able to swim. The thought horrified him.

What was her name? He had heard the avatar say it before…

"Katara!" he yelled, "Where are you!?" he looked around frantically, but he couldn't see anything in the inky water that surrounded him.

"Zuko…" he heard the weak voice from a distance behind him. There she was! Bobbing amongst some debris.

She was clinging to a floating piece of the ship with great difficulty, her bound wrists getting in the way of a proper grip. As he started swimming towards her, her eyes rolled back into her head and she slipped underwater.

Zuko took a deep breath and dived.

He swam blindly forwards and downwards with a hand outstretched, praying that he would crash into her. His prayers were answers as he grabbed what felt like a handful of her robes. He gripped what he could reach of her with both hands, and yanked firmly.

When they broke the surface, Katara spluttered and coughed weakly. She was barely conscious. Luckily, Zuko was a strong enough swimmer for both of them.

It was slow going pulling another person's dead weight through the water, but eventually Zuko's boots touched sand, and he dragged Katara's body out of the water onto a moonlit beach.

The very beach he and Iroh were planning on using for their exorcism.

He allowed himself to collapse onto his back beside her, breathing heavily with exertion. The roaring glow of his burning ship was a fiery blot across the bay. His thoughts raced, slipping through his head like sand in an hourglass.

He reflected on the irony of a  _firebender_  saving a  _waterbender_  from drowning.

He thought the full moon looked particularly bright.

He thought that Zhao showing up just before his ship was blown up was  _not_ a coincidence.

Beside him, Katara stirred and sat up.

"Zuko…"

"What?" he snapped, his thoughts having progressed to the uncertainty of what he was supposed to  _do_. No crew, and now no ship. How was he supposed to capture the avatar now? How was he supposed to regain his honor?

Katara interrupted his self-pity party with more bad news, "I-it's coming back and it wants _you_. You have to  _run_ , I c-can't hold it off all night," the words tumbled over each other quickly, straining to get out.

Zuko sat up quickly, wincing in pain. He hadn’t noticed before, but his ribs felt either very bruised, or broken. Blood dripped into his eyes; Zuko assumed there must be cuts on his face.

"I thought you said you were stronger at night!" he cried, using his sopping wet sleeves to wipe away the blood.

"I  _am_ ," she bit out through gritted teeth, "It's  _fighting_  me."

Something in Zuko snapped. Everything always went wrong for him, he could never do  _anything_  right. He knew it was impetuous, he knew he should find his uncle first, but he didn't  _care_. He just wanted to take action; he wanted to regain a semblance of control over something,  _anything_  in his life.

"That's it, this ends  _now_."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear, Zuko never thinks things through! What do you think will happen next? Thanks you so much to the people who reviewed! It makes me very happy and gives me more motivation to write. :) If you do decide to leave a review, some things I'd like feedback on in particular, if you happen to be feeling talkative: Did I get the characterization right? Is the interaction between the crew members and Zuko and Iroh actually funny because that's what I was trying to go for haha Sorry for any typos, completely my fault.


	4. The Exorcism and the Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I already told you, I’m not killing you!” his temper snapped, “Do you think I went through all the trouble of stopping you from drowning just to strike you down now?!” he bellowed.

**Chapter 4 – The Exorcism and the Sacrifice**

“Uncle taught me how to do this, I can do this,” Zuko didn’t know whether he was talking to Katara or himself. He sprang to his feet like a fire had been lit under him.

He grabbed Katara by the forearms and tried to get her to walk, but her legs wouldn’t support her weight. Huffing impatiently, he lifted her bodily and moved them away from the water to where they would be shielded from view by the cliffs. She didn’t protest his cavalier handling of her person, and Zuko ignored the dull pain in his side.

“Sit here and try to keep still, I need to concentrate for this,” he commanded, letting her legs drop onto the sand.

“For what?” Katara asked weakly, sinking to her knees.

“I’m getting rid of that cursed spirit once and for all!” he declared. He missed seeing the look of resignation on Katara’s face as he spun on his heel to march twenty paces away from her.

The firebending form moved in a full circle around a fulcrum for completion, and the fulcrum was usually a flaming monument. Zuko assumed Katara should take the place of the fulcrum.

Once he was satisfied he had enough space, the only other thing he needed was something to represent the gateway to the spirit world, something he could destroy at the end of the ceremony…

Uncle didn’t specify what kind of object should be used, but he remembered fire sages using small, square wooden rectangles, carved with designs.

There was nothing like that here on the barren beach…

“Zuko, _wait_ -” Katara held something out to him. He approached, and saw her mother’s necklace, gleaming ethereally in the moonlight.

“I-if you see my brother again, could you give him this?”

He looked at her sharply. Her chin was raised defiantly, but her whole body was trembling. For a moment, Zuko was utterly confused… and then he clicked.

“I already told you, I’m not killing you!” his temper snapped, “Do you think I went through all the trouble of stopping you from drowning just to strike you down now?!” he bellowed.

Katara was looking at him like she’d never seen him before.

“Give me that,” he snapped, snatching the necklace from her limp fingers. It wasn’t carved wood, but it would do.

He crouched in front of her and held the necklace up, looking her dead in the eye, “I’m going to _destroy_ this to get rid of that spirit. _Sit still_ _and_ _shut up_ ,” he barked.

Still fuming, but satisfied that he’d gotten his point across, Zuko stormed back to his starting position, and placed the necklace on the ground in front of him.

He didn’t have any sage or white lotus petals, he’d just have to do without and hope his fire was enough to protect him.

To begin, he performed a traditional bow to Katara, just as the fire sages did to their fiery monument.

He started to dance.

As soon as he completed the first movement, he noticed something _different_ in the air. The sounds and sensations surrounding him, the gentle ocean breeze, the sound of crashing waves, the cackling sound of fire burning his ship in the distance, they all become _muted_.

Katara’s slumped posture _very_ slowly shifted, until she was siting very erectly with her back unnaturally straight.

Her eyes simultaneously changed, black bleeding over until the whites and blues were no longer visible. The frightened lines of her face relaxed, and her skin glowed unnaturally as the spirit took over.

In a circle around her, smoky black figures blossomed, circling and straining against the sand, but they didn’t peel away or break rank. At least not yet.

Instinctively Zuko knew that if he messed this up, those creatures and the spirit would get to finish what they started in the mess hall. Sweat beaded on his brow, and his resolve hardened even further. He would _not_ mess this up.

He named the moves is his head as he went, _left fire jab, back flip, fire whip, sideways fire slam…_

Ghostly tracings of his fire were left hanging in the night air behind him, looping in a spiral pattern as he bent. The tracings pulsed, flaring brightly in time to a familiar staccato rhythm.

_Thump thump, thump thump._

Zuko felt like he was in a trance, he couldn’t have stopped if he wanted to. He had never performed this form so smoothly before, it was as if some otherworldly power was guiding his bending…

_Thump thump, thump thump._

The final move was a series acrobatics and precisely timed fire streams and lashes. Zuko landed lightly in a crouch on completion of the last movement in the exact spot he started.

He was breathing hard, and his muscles were shaking from the effort they had put forth. Around them was a complete circle of floating tracings from his fire.

The necklace was now glowing at his feet, imbued with some sort of spiritual power. In contrast, Katara had stopped glowing. They lined up perfected, Zuko, the necklace, and Katara.

Zuko stared into Katara’s hateful black eyes, and stood tall, before bowing low and bringing his fists together to end the form.

Katara’s eyes closed and her fists came together mirroring his, her head bowing in return.

The circle of tracings suddenly flashed blindingly bright, and rushed in like shooting stars to collide with Katara.

On impact her body seized, her back arched and her arms flung wide. Her mouth opened in a soundless scream. Black smoke started exiting her body, collecting into an amorphous cloud above her head.

The cloud swelled, blocking Zuko’s view of the moon, before suddenly condensing into a nightmarish creature of frightening proportions. It had black leathery wings with the body of a scorpion, but instead of pincers, it had sharp talons. Most disturbingly, it had the face of a serene woman with pale skin and delicate features, marred only by hateful pitch black eyes.

Katara keeled over in a dead faint, and the creature hovered about her, large and menacing.

The temperature dropped perceptibly by several degrees and Zuko felt gooseflesh rise on the bare skin of his arms. The spirit regarded Zuko haughtily, and he felt his hackles raise in response.

The black smoke creatures finally started peeling away from the sand, and as one, the spirit and her minions lunged.

Zuko knew what he had to do.

With a deep breath like his Uncle had taught him, Zuko punched forward with both fists flaming, concentrating his energy into destroying the necklace.

As soon as his flames touched the carved stone, the spirit let out an ear-splitting screech, and started writhing. The pale face twisted into an expression of fury as her shadowy minions disintegrated into smoke.

Zuko pushed more energy into his fire, grimacing with the effort. He was using the last of his reserves, and his fists quivered with the effort. The stone of the necklace glowed red, and Zuko _knew_ he was close to cracking it, just a little longer…

And then out of nowhere, something struck him in the back of the head, _hard_ , breaking his concentration and making his fire splutter.

The spirit took advantage of his momentary distraction.

He looked up in time to see the scorpion stinger sink straight into his chest. It passed through his flesh as if he were a ghost, but then he felt something is his chest _rip_.

Reacting in pure panic, Zuko lashed out with a fire whip, and finally, the stone of the necklace cracked, right down the middle.

The spirit withdrew her pincer slowly, and it was excruciating. It felt like she was tearing his heart from his chest. He couldn’t stop the anguished scream that was torn from his lips. He expected the appendage to come out covered in blood, but it didn’t.

There was however something else floating on the tip of the pincer. Something round, and glowing red. It thrummed an uneven beat.

Zuko’s knees buckled, and he fell forward heavily onto his hands and knees. He had never felt so cold and empty. Black spots danced across his vision.

The spirit started fading away.

“ _A fitting punishment,_ ” were the last words it cackled, and then it disappeared completely. 

The sounds of the night suddenly came back at full volume.

“ _Katara_!” screamed a familiar voice. Zuko was too weak to lift his head to see who it was.

His eyes fluttered close, and he knew no more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guesses for what hit Zuko in the head, and who yelled for Katara? :)  
> Don’t worry, Zuko isn’t dead! Neither is Katara.


	5. Nightmares and Stowaways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first thing Zuko registered upon regaining consciousness was the pain. It felt like there was a jagged hole in his chest where his heart used to be. With every breath he took, it ached.

**Chapter 5 – Nightmares and Stowaways**

The first thing Zuko registered upon regaining consciousness was the pain. It felt like there was a jagged hole in his chest where his heart used to be. With every breath he took, it _ached_.

He groaned, and reached a hand up to clutch at his chest. To his surprise, his fingers only scraped against bare skin. There was no wound.

The second thing he noticed was the sound of waves crashing, _very_ nearby. He cracked open an eye, and immediately closed it against the bright light of the rising sun, groaning in protest. He raised a sluggish arm to shield his eyes, and tried again.

He was half buried in sand with waves lapping at his calves. The irony of finding himself in such a position was not lost on him. It seemed like an age had passed since he'd found Katara in much the same situation.

Katara… thinking about her brought on such a strong wave of _longing_ that Zuko gasped, and clutched at his chest. Thinking about her _ached_ , so he promptly cast her from his mind. It wasn't easy, but then again Zuko had plenty of practice purposefully ignoring painful truths.

He struggled to sit up, his body just wanted to curl up into a ball against the pain, but Zuko gritted his teeth and forced himself.

 _There is no wound, the pincer just passed through me like nothing, I'm fine._ He told himself. He wasn't very unconvincing.

He got to his feet unsteadily, and ordered himself to put one foot in front of the other.

 _Need to find Katara_ … His knees nearly buckled because of the intensity of the ache in his chest.

 _Need to find Uncle._ He quickly amended, mentally scolding himself.

He stumbled away from the water, but something caught his eye, rays of early morning light striking the object at an angle that made it glitter.

When he recognised what it was, he fell to his knees, and reached out with a shaking hand to lift it from the sand.

It was one broken half of Katara's necklace. _No, her mother's necklace_. Zuko amended. It was just the shiny polished stone, the soft blue strap having burned up completely during the exorcism. The ache in Zuko's chest intensified as he ran his fingers over the grooves of the carvings.

The crack had split the designs, and Zuko held the half which bore three gently curving lines. The other half, which bore three spirals, was nowhere to be seen.

Zuko could easily recall what it was supposed to look like whole from the time the necklace had spent in his possession after Katara had lost it, and he had found it. Back then, he had often examined the simple design, tracing the smooth grooves with his fingertips and marvelling at the way it would catch the light and seem to gleam from within.

This necklace was important to Katara… and he had broken it.

He thought about threatening the southern water tribe, tying Katara to a tree, attacking her with the shirshu… He gasped as the ache in his chest intensified, and a strong wave a self-loathing swept through him. Stronger even than when he thought of speaking out of turn at war meetings, or the Agni Kai against his father

His determination crumbled and he curled into a ball of misery and guilt, the stone clutched tightly in a fist that was solidly pressed to his chest; as if he could use it to fill the aching chasm where his heart used to be.

Where was Katara now? Was she safe? Was she happy? Suddenly Katara's safety and happiness were of paramount importance to him, and it was _terrifying_. He was startled out of his agitated thoughts by a yell.

" _Zuko!"_ It was Iroh.

Zuko forced himself to uncurl. He shoved the stone into his robe, and it settled against the skin of his chest like a shard of ice – cool to touch and difficult to ignore.

He steeled himself to ignore the pain, and sat up.

Iroh rushed across the beach towards him. Zuko gritted his teeth and staggered to his feet once more. When Iroh reached him, he snatched Zuko up in a fierce hug.

"I'm so glad! Are you okay!?"

"I'm fine Uncle, you can let go of me…" Zuko mumbled, patting Iroh on the shoulder reluctantly.

Iroh sat back, wiping his eyes.

"Forgive me, I… I feared you were dead…" said Iroh, staring carefully into Zuko face. Zuko opened his mouth to say something, _anything_ , but no sound came out. He looked away from Iroh's teary eyes uncomfortably.

"Nephew, look at me," said Iroh gently, placing a weathered old hand on each of his shoulders.

"Zuko… what is it? You look confused, oh dear, how many fingers am I holding up?" Zuko ignored Iroh's hand and tried to put his confused thoughts into words that made sense.

"…you would… you would be upset…?" he questioned haltingly.

Now Iroh looked confused. Zuko thought it was obvious.

"I… I don't have my honor back yet Uncle." _There isn't anything to be upset about until I get it back. I'm practically worthless without it._

Zuko met his gaze with difficulty. Iroh looked sad. Sadder than Zuko could remember seeing him.

"Come on. Let's get you cleaned up. We must talk."

* * *

Zuko let Iroh lead him back to town, and ushered him into a cheap inn. Iroh refused to discuss anything with Zuko until he let Iroh clean up his injuries.

It turned out he had a broken rib, a black eye, a concussion, and countless cuts, scrapes and bruises.

The pain of those injuries had nothing on the invisible gaping hole in his chest, but Zuko was reluctant to share those feelings with Iroh. He felt like if he acknowledged it, it would make it more real. Better to ignore it, and hope it would go away in time. There wasn't even a visible wound to treat, Iroh wouldn't be able to do anything anyway.

The pain of having his ribs taped up, and having alcohol poured all over his cuts was a welcome distraction.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news," said Iroh gravely, once he was satisfied with the treatment of Zuko's injuries. He looked sad again, which made Zuko apprehensive.

"I couldn't find a trace of the waterbender… I fear she died in the blast." The dull pain in his chest gave a sharp pang and both hands automatically reached up to clutch at the flesh there, trying to assuage the emptiness.

"Her name is _Katara_ ," it came out sharper than he intended.

"Zuko, are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm fine. She survived the blast, I saw her," he snapped. Iroh's eyebrows shot up.

" _How?_ "

"I don't want to talk about it!" Zuko snarled, as the pain in his chest ramped up another notch. It was all he could do to prevent himself from crying out. His nails dug into his flesh, and his breathing was laboured.

Iroh gave him a piercing look, clearly deciding whether it was worth it to press the issue. He sighed.

"We both know Zhao commissioned those pirates to blow up your ship," he said, "Zhao means to lead an invasion of the Northern Water Tribe. The Avatar is heading there to seek out a master to teach him waterbending, and Zhao aims to capture him."

Zuko nodded, grateful for the change of subject.

"I want to go north too," he said.

"You don't have a ship anymore, how will you go?"

"Zhao has hundreds of ships. I'll stowaway."

"Are you sure Zuko? Zhao has already tried to kill you more than once. I know you want to capture the Avatar, but a mission like this could cost you your life."

To Zuko's shock, he hadn't even been thinking about the Avatar when he said he wanted to go north. He didn't understand why, but he felt a _tug_ , deep in his chest, like he needed to go north to find a piece of himself.

"I'm sure," he said instead.

* * *

Iroh accepted Zhao's offer to accompany him on the Siege as an advisor and general. It was easy to sneak onto the flagship in pilfered fire-army armor after that.

During the day Zuko wandered around the ship in a haze of pain, and at night he shivered with cold in the cargo hold, despite the temperature being positively balmy. They were nowhere near polar waters yet.

He could barely bring himself to eat, and he could hardly sleep. The ache in his chest was too distracting. Every time he managed to nod off, he would wake up clawing at his chest in a panic before remembering that the gaping hole was just in his head.

Finally, five days into the voyage, just when he thought his sanity would snap if something didn't give, he very suddenly fell unconscious…

_He was in a building made of ice, an impressive building the likes of which he'd never seen in his life. He was at the bottom of icy steps, staring up at a smug looking watertribe man. Zuko disliked him on sight. He looked about Iroh's age, with a very thin white moustache and beady eyes. He was so focused on the man's infuriatingly smug expression, and he almost didn't notice the other important looking people seated around him._

" _I'm waiting little girl," said the smug old man condescendingly._

" _No! No way am I apologising to a sour old man like you!" Zuko yelled. Except it wasn't Zuko yelling, they weren't his words,_ Katara _was saying them. He was just along for the ride, looking through her eyes._

" _Can none of you comprehend that we are at war for our very right to exist!? The Southern Water Tribe basically doesn't exist anymore, how long do you think it'll be until they come for you?" she pointed accusingly at the sour old man, "You are so hung up on antiquated traditions that you're willing to sabotage the world's best hope for peace. Aang is the last hope of ending the war, and if you don't teach him, you're dooming everyone. We will_ all _be consumed by fire and balance will_ never _be restored!"_

_One of the men on the dais stood and tried to speak._

" _Now that's enough from you young lady-"_

" _I wasn't finished!" Katara cut him off with a violent movement of her arms. Several ornamental vases around the room exploded, and water spilled everywhere._

_The man quickly sat back down, apparently losing his nerve._

_Everyone stared down at her apprehensively. Everyone except the sour old man, whose arms were crossed and eyes were narrowed._

" _I am the last waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe. The very last. Do you know what happened to the rest of the waterbenders?"_

_The people up on the dais before her shifted uncomfortably._

" _The firenation raided us over, and over, and over again until I was the only one left. And no, they didn't care whether they were taking male or female waterbenders."_

_Katara said her next words in a low venomous tone._

" _When they start raiding you, when they start taking away your benders, one by one, I hope it comforts you Pakku that you refused to teach the Avatar and the very last waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe."_

_She continued, voice dripping with sarcasm and gaining volume, "The world as you know it will end, but at least you prevented a girl from learning about her heritage and using the abilities she was born with. At least you extinguished the ability to bend from the Southern Water Tribe. At least you prevented the Avatar from mastering all four elements and ending the war!"_

" _You insolent child, you are speaking on matters you have no understanding of-" hissed Pakku, but Katara was not cowed. The icy floor around her cracked with the force of her anger._

"I _have no understanding of!? Have any of_ you _fought firenation soilders?! Have any of you seen first-hand the way the firenation treats it's colonies?! Have any of you lived through a firenation raid?! Have any of you seen someone you love burned to ash by a firebender!?" Katara's voice cracked._

_The sour old man was still unmoved._

" _I have travelled across the world and I've seen and experienced the full extent of this war while you were all up here hiding behind your ice wall! I deserve to learn how to defend myself!"_

" _You should have stayed in the Southern Water tribe. Your time would be better spent making more benders I could actually train." Her anger made the steps of the dais crack, and everyone but Pakku yelped in alarm._

" _WHAT A GREAT IDEA, WORLD IS AT WAR AND I'M A BENDER WILLING TO FIGHT, BUT NOOOO, INSTEAD LET'S BRING AN INNOCENT CHILD INTO THE MIDDLE OF IT ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT IT'S A BOY!" Katara yelled._

_Pakku's composure finally cracked._

" _You don't get to come here and demand that we change the traditions we have lived by for generations!" he exclaimed heatedly._

" _Last I checked, water is the element of adaptability and versatility. The world has changed; we are at_ war _. Knowing how to fight is a matter of life or death. Your stupid traditions need to change to reflect that!"_

"… _She kind of has a point…" mumbled one of the other men on the dais. Pakku glared at him._

" _What? She does…" he whispered defensively._

" _While you argue about whether the world is worth saving, I'll be outside waiting for_ you _Pakku, if you're_ man _enough to fight me!" everyone gasped in shock._

_Katara turned on her heel and stormed outside in high dudgeon._

" _Are you crazy Katara, you're not going to win this fight!" it was her brother, struggling to keep up with her harried pace._

" _I know! I don't care!" Katara shucked off her outer coat and threw it roughly at him. He caught it with his face._

" _You don't have to do this for me. I can find another teacher," it was the avatar, and his young face was open and earnest._

" _I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it to make a_ point _. Someone needs to slap some sense into that guy."_

_Zuko felt the cold, and he felt Katara's deep calming breaths._

_He also felt a terrible overwhelming fear. He felt_ sick _with it. He wanted to scream at Katara, to shake her, or take her far away. How could she challenge a master like that? Didn't she know what could happen to her?_

_But Katara was fearless. She stood proud and tall, waiting with barely concealed impatience._

_Finally, Master Pakku sauntered out of the building, looking cool and collected. Zuko wished he was there himself. He wished he could stand between Katara and this cold cold man, but all he could do was watch the events unfold as a passive bystander._

" _Are you ready to fight?" Katara all but snarled._

" _It is beneath my dignity me to yield to the outrageous demands of a spoiled little girl," he stated, not even breaking his stride or turning his head._

_Zuko could practically feel the vein throbbing in Katara's forehead._

" _Go back to the healing huts with the other women where you belong," his voice oozed condescension, and it was the last straw for Katara._

_She lashed out with a stream of water, whipping the old man in the head._

_He stopped abruptly, and he went dangerously still._

" _Fine. You want to learn how to fight? Watch closely!"_

_Zuko watched in horror as Pakku drew up two thick streams of water from nearby pools, gracefully twisting the water through the air to blast it at Katara violently._

_Katara ran straight at the stream, hitting it head on. The water threw her high up into the air, but she flipped and landed on her feet._

_Pakku bent a think circle of fast moving water around the two of them, trapping Katara within. The circle got smaller as Pakku moved his arms faster…_

" _Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you," Pakku tone was patronising._

_Katara lashed out with an arm and broke the circle. She charged Pakku, but he bent a defensive wall of ice in her way. Katara slid over the ice, flipping high over the wall and landing as nimbly as a cat._

_Pakku tried to blast her off her feet again with a thick stream of water, but Katara froze her feet to the floor and neutralised the blast with her bending._

" _You can't knock me down!" she cried, and then she attacked. She turned his ice block to water and struck at him with the ferocity of a catagator._

_To Zuko, it was obvious that she had hardly any experience in hand-to-hand combat; the way she attached was raw and passionate rather than calculated and precise. Pakku kept clear of all her blows with ease. He swept her into a nearby fountain with a wave of water._

_Katara got back up immediately, and raised a round platform of ice in front of herself. She swept her hands over the top to fire thin ice discs at Pakku's throat. Zuko was satisfied to see one narrowly miss Pakku's neck._

_Katara leapt out of the fountain and hurled a stream of water at Pakku, but he redirected the water around himself, and fired it right back at her, knocking her off her feet._

_By now, Katara was panting with exertion, but she still got back to her feet. She grasped the water in two ornamental pillars of stacked pots, and pulled with her bending, bringing the pots and water crashing down on Pakku's head._

_Zuko was disappointed that when the dust cleared, Pakku was standing there as if nothing had happened._

" _Well, I'm impressed. You are an excellent waterbender…" he was smirking as he said it._

" _But you still won't teach me, will you?" replied Katara bitterly._

" _No."_

_With a violent twist of her arms, Katara sent a wave of ice at Pakku._

_Pakku leap over it, and raised an answering icy wave, which he rode towards her. Katara tried to knock him of balancef with a waterwhip, but Pakku batted it aside and repurposed the water to fuel his wave._

_He knocked Katara bodily to the ground, and she landed hard, momentum carrying her until she rolled to a halt._

_She got to her feet just in time for Zuko to see Pakku moving his arms in a complicated pattern._

_It was a finishing move. Zuko could tell. Pakku had the same look in his eye that Ozai had just before he burned Zuko's face._

_He willed Katara to move faster, to get out of the way. He tried to scream at her to watch out, but she couldn't hear him. He tried to scream at Pakku to show mercy, Katara had fought with honor, but he could make no sound._

_A rain of ice spikes came down, and Zuko was sure that every single one would impale Katara's body…_

_For a moment, she was still, and Zuko thought his heart would stop and never start again._

_But then she looked up, and started to struggle._

_Zuko couldn't believe it, and he certainly didn't understand it, but Katara was unhurt._

" _This fight is over," declared Pakku, sauntering away from an entrapped Katara calmly._

" _Come back here! I'm not finished with you!" Katara shrieked._

" _Yes, you are."_

_Suddenly Pakku stopped, and bent to pick something up from the snow. He examined it closely, turning the item over in his hands._

" _This is part of my necklace..." he choked._

" _No its not! Give it back!" demanded Katara._

" _I made this sixty years ago," insisted Pakku, "For the love of my life… for Kana," he said her name reverently, and the ice encasing Katara splashed harmlessly to the ground as water…_

Zuko woke with a start, jolting upright with his heart racing and his hands shaking. The dream had come on so suddenly, and had been so vivid. His dreams were never so colorful and realistic, which made him suspect that it was not really a dream.

He lay back down heavily, and found himself actually able to drop off into a proper slumber for the first time since he had found Katara washed up on the beach.

When he woke at dawn the next morning, his was head clearer and his appetite had somewhat returned even though the ache in his chest was still as present as ever. However, he felt more up to the task of ignoring it.

After pilfering food from the gallery, Zuko moved on to his usual wandering around the ship aimlessly portion of the day. Even though it made the edges of the gaping hole in his chest prickle and twinge, Zuko couldn't help but think about the dream as he went.

The way Katara had spoken so passionately… it reminded Zuko uncomfortably of his thirteen-year-old self. The way she fought the sour old master bender however, was _nothing_ like him. She fought with courage and honor whereas Zuko had been too weak to fight at all.

He felt sick when he thought about some of the things she had said about the Firenation though… Surely, she misunderstood? The Earth Kingdom colonies were lucky to have the Firenation there, sharing their superior technology and culture.

The Firenation didn't want to destroy the rest of the world, they wanted to _help_ the rest of the world by sharing their greatness. It wasn't the Firenation's fault that some people didn't know what was good for them.

 _If the Firenation doesn't want to destroy the rest of the world, why is a fleet of a hundred ships heading towards the Southern Water Tribe?_ Asked an inconvenient voice in his head. It was the same quiet voice that had demanded he stand up and speak out at that ill-fated war meeting.

_How about the Southern Water Tribe? No benders, no men. Sure didn't look like Firenation interference benefited them._

Zuko quashed the voice ruthlessly. Whenever he listened to it, it only got him trouble and that line of thinking was giving him a headache to match his heartache.

* * *

The rest of the voyage passed quickly and uneventfully.

To Zuko's great relief, as time went on and they neared their destination, the pain in his chest receded bit by bit. He even felt less cold, which was strange because they were getting closer and closer to the frigid temperatures of the North Pole.

He didn't have any more vivid dreams about Katara, but she was featured with alarming frequency in his regular dreams in ways that made him wake up shaking and gasping with stabbing pains in his chest.

He dreamed he couldn't find her when they were flung into the ocean from his ship. She drowned, and he found her body washed up on the beach the next day.

He dreamed he locked Katara in his room when he left to check the bridge, and that she died in the explosion.

He dreamed a black-eyed Katara cracked open his chest and ripped his still-beating heart from within.

He dreamed that the sour old watertribe man impaled Katara with long icy spikes, rather than just trapping her, leaving red red footprints in the snow as he sauntered away.

He was thankful that there was no repeat of the stunning reality of the first dream.

* * *

Finally, the day came when Iroh sidled up to him and whispered, "We will be landing soon. Have you got a plan?"

Truthfully, he had no plan whatsoever. He'd been too preoccupied with his thoughts. He didn't tell Iroh this though.

"I'm working on it Uncle," he said with much more confidence than he felt, and then they parted ways.

Iroh thought he was trying to capture the Avatar, but Zuko wasn't sure what he was trying to do anymore. The Avatar was barely on his mind anymore. His drive to find and capture him seemed to be just… _gone_.

Zuko had to constantly remind himself of his lost honor, whereas before it was all he could think about sometimes.

When they arrived within striking distance of the Southern Water Tribe, and the fighting started, Zuko fretted.

There was nothing he could do until the cover of darkness. Sitting on the ship twiddling his thumbs while Katara was possibly being smashed by fiery rocks re-awoke the ache in his chest with a vengeance. He was so worried that he didn't even bother trying to tell himself he was just worried that the Avatar would get killed before he could capture him.

By the time night fell, he was anxious to be on his way. Luckily, the ships laid anchor, deciding to wait for sunrise to resume the attack.

Iroh met him at the launch bay, catching him just as he was ready to cast off in one of the lifeboats.

"If you are fishing for an octopus my nephew, you need a tightly woven net or he will squeeze through the tiniest hole and escape."

"I don't need your wisdom right now Uncle," Zuko replied. He wasn't in the right head-space to interpret Iroh's riddles. Although pain in his chest was greatly diminished, he felt fevered, frantic, like he was standing on the edge of a precipice. The feeling had been building the closer they got to the pole.

He was anxious to be on his way, something in the Northern Water tribe fortress was _calling_ to him.

"I'm sorry, I just nag because… well, ever since I lost my son…" Iroh trailed off, voice thick with emotion.

"Uncle, you don't have to say it…"

"I think of you as my own."

"I know Uncle," it surprised Zuko that he _did_ know. Iroh was probably the only person in the world that would be sad if something happened to him. Iroh didn't _have_ to accompany Zuko when he got banished. He chose to. Zuko never realized before, but that _meant_ something. Something he was only just beginning to understand.

"We'll meet again," Zuko bowed, trying to put all his feelings of respect and gratitude into the gesture, but Iroh rushed forward and pulled him into a hug.

"After I have…" Zuko floundered for a moment, unsure how he was going to finish his sentence; "Just afterwards," he finished awkwardly, extricating himself from Iroh's jasmine-scented embrace. He got in the boat and started to lower himself down.

"Remember your breath of fire; it could save your life out there," Iroh called down to him softly.

"I will."

"And put your hood up! Keep your ears warm!"

"I'll be fine!"

When his tiny boat hit the water, Zuko unclasped the ropes keeping it tethered to the ship, and took up the oars to start rowing towards the great icy wall ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here seems like a good place to stop, the chapter was getting long. Zuko is a bit confused and a lot in denial! Sorry for any typos, it's late and I decided to just post without editing as carefully as I usually try to. I may fix it up some more later. Thanks for all the reviews! I love to read them! Please tell me what you think! Any guesses for what you think will happen in the next chapter? All the reasons why Zuko is acting like this and feels the way he does towards Katara will be explained very soon, I promise I've thought it through and that there are reasons!


	6. Interruptions in the Spirit Oasis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Zuko… I was hoping you’d be okay. I’ve wanted to say thank you, for helping me, but I still won’t let you have Aang.” Her eyes flashed dangerously, and Zuko thought she’d never looked more beautiful.

Zuko managed to land his boat on the icy shelf just beyond the city walls without anyone catching a glimpse of him.

He disembarked, careful to make sure the boat stayed out of sight of the wall.

Once he’d done that, he drew a blank about what to do next.

There were guards on the wall, and even if they miraculously failed to spot him approaching, the wall itself was sheer, slippery ice. Zuko was agile, but even _he_ couldn’t climb something that had nowhere to grip.

He was startled out of his thoughts by the call of an animal.

Zuko turned around to see turtle seals diving through a hole in the ice. A very foolhardy idea popped into his brain, and he approached the hole thoughtfully.

He teetered on the edge, weighing his options. _They must be coming up for air somewhere…_

Mind made up, he took a deep breath and dived.

The water was so cold it felt like it was burning him. His muscles seized, and it felt like thousands of icy needles were prickling his skin, but he couldn’t go back. The only acceptable way out was onwards.  

He swam downwards… and forwards… thirty seconds passed… one minute passed… and then finally, he saw an opening ahead. 

He lunged for the surface, heaving himself out of the water and collapsing into a shivering heap on the floor of a cave.

He had to use his breath of fire to warm up enough to feel his fingertips again and to stop shaking enough to stand.

Zuko repeated the diving process twice more, nearly drowning on the third attempt when he found the outlet covered in a thick layer of ice. Luckily, he didn’t panic, and he was able to use his firebending to melt his way through.

He ended up in a large pipe inside the city.

Despite having plunged through icy water, Zuko felt… _better_. The ache in his chest had noticeably reduced, and he felt warmer than he had in weeks. He was vibrating in anticipation, he felt almost giddy.

He knew he was close, _very_ close, to… _something_.

He left the pipe and snuck through the city. The architecture was awe inspiring, thin sky-scraping spires that gleamed in the moonlight reached towards the heavens all around him. Icy filigree lovingly caressed the eaves and windowsills of all the buildings Zuko ran past.

He couldn’t help but feel a grudging respect and admiration for the generations of waterbenders who must have built this great city up out of the arctic tundra. It must have taken a lot of hard work and determination to force their element to bend to their will so completely.   

As he made his way through the streets, Zuko encountered _no one_ … It was as if the whole Northern Water Tribe was asleep.

Zuko supposed that everyone was either hidden away safely, or at the wall for defence.

The _tug_ in Zuko’s gut was getting stronger and more insistent as he moved deeper into the city, and he couldn’t help but run towards it with abandon.

Barely cognizant of the direction he was going in, Zuko eventually found himself in front of a small round door. The door was made of wood, and it was completely out of place in its icy setting.

Zuko could hear the sound of a gently cascading waterfall beyond…

His hand trembled as he reached for the handle, and pulled the door open.

On the other side, there was an oasis, sheltered on all sides by tall white cliffs. The waterfall fell from the top of the cliffs, and fed into a small lake.

Zuko had to stoop low to cross the threshold. On the other side the air was perceptibly warmer.

In the middle of the lake, there was circular island of grass. Two delicate bridges led to it.

Zuko didn’t notice that there was a small pond on the island, nor did he notice the ornate archway surrounded by the lush vegetation that had no business growing at the south pole.

The only thing he noticed was that Katara was standing on the island.

As soon as he laid eyes on her, he knew that he’d been lying to himself. She was the source of the pull he felt, and just laying eyes on her eased something deep in his chest.

He didn’t realise that he’d been approaching until he heard a startled gasp and noticed that there was another girl present. Her hair was white, a startling contrast to her dark skin.

“Katara! Look!” she exclaimed.

“I’ll handle this Yue, get out of here.”

Katara sunk into a defensive crouch, while the white-haired girl rushed towards the bridge opposite the one Zuko was crossing. He paid her no mind.

“Zuko… I was hoping you’d be okay. I’ve wanted to say thank you, for helping me, but I still won’t let you have Aang.” Her eyes flashed dangerously, and Zuko thought she’d never looked more beautiful. 

“I… I’m,” he broke off and cleared his throat. He had no idea what to say. He’d barely even noticed the boy, his tattoos glowing, seated on the ground behind her.

“You’re welcome,” he said.

“’ _You’re welcome?’_ ” parroted Katara in confusion, “Tell me what you’re doing here,” Katara demanded suspiciously.

Zuko could not find the words. He found his legs automatically carrying him towards her, like a moth drawn to a flame.

“Stay back!” she cried, raising two arms of water.

When she sent a waterwhip at him, he didn’t call up fire to defend himself. He didn’t even raise his arms. She let her attack splash to the ground just short of him in confusion.

“Zuko… what are you-” She took a defensive step back, but he continued until he was right in front of her.

“Katara…” his voice shook. He raised a hand towards her face, still unsure of what he was even doing, but he dropped it when she flinched away from him.

Being in her presence made him feel more alive than he had in weeks. The pain and the gaping chasm in his chest were gone. He’d been able to deny it on the ship when she wasn’t present, but standing in front of her now… he couldn’t deny it anymore.

Gravity had moved, and it wasn’t the earth holding him in place anymore, it was _her_. He knew instinctively that he would be whatever she wanted him to be, whatever she needed, even if that meant turning his back on everything he knew and believed in.

He had no choice.

He was simultaneously horrified and elated. He staggered back under the weight of this realisation, and suddenly he couldn’t get enough air.

He heard Katara’s voice as if she was speaking to him from a great distance.

“Zuko! What’s wrong?”

He curled in on himself. He was stuck between an immovable object and an unstoppable force and he was going to be _torn_ apart.

He needed to catch the Avatar to restore his honor and right the wrongs he had committed against his father; it was the right thing for him to do for himself and his nation. All his life, all he had ever wanted was to make his father proud and comport himself in a manner befitting a Prince of the Fire Nation.

On the other hand, he couldn’t catch the Avatar because Katara wouldn’t want him to, and he couldn’t bear to cause her pain or sadness. Keeping her safe and happy was more important than keeping himself safe and happy. It was more important than his loyalty to his nation.

_He had no choice._

Zuko had self-loathing down to an art. He was foolish. He was weak. He _deserved_ his punishment. Banishment was a just sentence for what he had done, and he had been trying his best to right the wrongs he had committed.

The new brand of self-loathing blooming in his brain was worse. Now he was a _traitor_. He didn’t want to do the right thing. He wanted to do whatever would make Katara happiest. If she wanted him to jump off the ice wall, he would do it.  If she wanted him to turn on his father and help the Avatar defeat him, he would do it. He would hate himself, but he would do it.

He felt a light pressure on his back, and the touch soothed him and brought him back to himself.

Somehow, he had ended up sitting on the grass with his head between his knees, fingers clutching at his skull. His breath came in shuddering panicked gasps.

“Calm down! You’re breathing too quickly!” Katara’s voice was right by his ear.

He felt her press a palm flat against his chest, right over his rapidly beating heart.

“ _Slower_ Zuko, breathe _slower_ ,” she commanded, “In… and out…. In… and out, that’s it,” her other hand rubbed slow circles on his back and Zuko finally calmed enough to lower his hands from his head and open his eyes.

Katara was kneeling next to him, peering anxiously down at his face. 

His traitorous heart was ecstatic that she was touching him. Having her this close to him was bliss, he felt warm and content, but feeling that way made him feel disgusted with himself.

“Zuko… what was that?” she asked, concern shining brightly in her blue eyes.

“I… I was hyperventilating,” was his raspy reply. Katara’s eyes narrowed.

“That is _not_ what I meant,” she moved so she was kneeling in front of him, and snatched up one of his hands in both of hers. Zuko offered no resistance, finding himself rendered docile under her touch.

She laid two fingers against the inside of his wrist, and seemed to be listening for something. Whatever she heard displeased her, judging by her frown.

She summoned a stream of water from the larger pond, and coated her hand with it.

“What are you doing?” Zuko asked curiously.

“Your chi is all… _wrong_. I’m going to try and fix it.”

The water started glowing blue.

“You have healing abilities,” said Zuko in awe. Katara put her dry hand on his shoulder for leverage, and placed her watery glowing hand against the good side of his face. Zuko gasped.

It was a strange feeling, being healed by water. He could feel the swelling around his black eye going away, and all his half-healed cuts and scrapes healing over properly. Katara was careful to avoid his scar.

“Why are you healing _me_?” he asked in genuine confusion.

“Why did you save me from drowning?” Katara retorted, moving her attention to the lump on the back of his head.

“You were a prisoner on my ship which made your safety my responsibility… plus _I_ tied your hands together so you couldn’t swim properly,” answered Zuko truthfully.

“It was a _rhetorical_ question Zuko. I wasn’t expecting an answer, although I appreciate your honesty,” she replied wryly.  

She sat back on her heels and jabbed him in the side roughly.

“Ow!” he clutched at his rib. Now that he wasn’t distracted by the hole in his chest, he realised that his side was actually quite sore.   

“That shouldn’t have hurt. Let me see,” she demanded. Zuko frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean pull this up out of the way so I can heal your broken rib-” she went ahead and grasped the bottom of his top to pull it out of the way herself.

Zuko felt his face get hot, but he offered no resistance. It helped that Katara’s tone and manner were both business-like. 

She clucked disapprovingly at the green and yellow bruising she uncovered.

“Did this happen during the explosion?” she asked, probing gently with her wet fingertips.

Zuko nodded, wincing as she prodded a tender spot.

“It’s on its way to healing pretty good on its own, but I can fix it better. Hold this out of the way for me…” Zuko obediently held up the left side of his tunic so his ribs were exposed. 

 The water glowed blue once more, and Katara leaned in very close to place both hands flat against his side. She was so close that Zuko could count her eyelashes if he wanted to. Her brow furrowed in concentration, and Zuko was hit with the urge to reach up and smooth the crease away.  

“You’re lucky you didn’t puncture a lung. What were you thinking doing that firebending form with a freshly broken rib?” she chided gently.  

“I _wasn’t_. I was angry and impulsive,” answered Zuko bluntly.

“That was another rhetorical question Zuko,” she smiled at him in amusement, just a _small_ smile, and for a moment all Zuko could do was stare. Katara’s small smile faded into puzzlement.

He quickly averted his gaze.

“Oh, right,” he mumbled belatedly.

He focused on the uncomfortable feeling of his bones knitting back together. It wasn’t exactly painful, just extremely disconcerting. It was a good distraction from his urge to stare. And touch.

When she was finished with his rib, Katara pushed his shirt up a bit further and gasped.

Zuko glanced down.

_Oh!_

Angry red scratches criss-crossed the center of chest from when he had clawed at it in the night. He’d forgotten about those.

Katara was completely shocked. So shocked that she dropped her water all over his lap.

Her eyes went wide, and one of her hands covered her mouth, which had dropped open.

“Its not that bad…” Zuko murmured, confused as to why her reaction was so excessive.

“Zuko, how did this happen?” she asked seriously, not taking her eyes off his chest.

He didn’t want to say, it made him feel weak, but he couldn’t deny her.

“It’s from nightmares… sometimes… sometimes I wake up scratching and clawing…” he trailed off and hung his head in embarrassment.

She was probably going to be disgusted with how weak and pathetic he was. Zuko was disgusted with himself.

Katara pulled the water from his lap, and her hand glowed blue once more. She pressed it to the middle of his chest, interrupting his internal self-flagellation.

“It’s okay,” she murmured in a soothing voice, “I have nightmares too sometimes.”

Zuko couldn’t have been more astonished if she’d told him she wanted to become a fire sage.

His heart gave a lurch, and his insides felt warm.   

Once his scratches were healed, she kept her glowing hand against his chest, frowning intently in concentration.

“Your chi is all… _wrong_ right here. It _almost_ feels like… but it couldn’t be…” she trailed off cryptically.

Eventually she huffed in frustration and let the water splash to the ground. Zuko shoved his shirt back into place.

“Zuko, I need you to tell me what happened on the beach,” said Katara seriously, “I remember you starting to firebend, and then the next thing I knew I was waking up with Aang and Sokka on Apa, and the spirit was gone,” she sat cross-legged across from him, so Zuko crossed his legs too. He stared at two koi fish in the pond circling each other as he considered what to say…

“I did a firebending form that’s usually performed on the solstice as part of a ritual of protection. My Uncle suggested that it might be able to get rid of the spirit, and he was right. It did.”

He glanced up at Katara and saw that she was still staring at him expectantly. He took a deep breath.

“After I completed the form-”

They were interrupted by the low tones of the sky bison as it flew over their heads and landed heavily beside them.

“ _What is going on here!_ ”

Katara’s brother leap off the back of the bison, brandishing his club. The white-haired girl was with him.

“Katara, get away from him! What is he doing here!” the boy bellowed.

“Sokka, calm down,” Katara stood and placed herself between him and her brother, “Let me explain-”

“Have you already forgotten that I saved you from being barbequed on the beach by this guy!?”

“ _What!_ I did no such thing!” interjected Zuko, indignant. He scrambled to his feet and drew himself up to his full height to sneer haughtily down at the water tribe peasant. He drew a disproportional amount of satisfaction from being taller.

“Oh yeah? What _were_ you spitting fire at then, huh? You were pointing your flame throwers right at her!” yelled the boy, waving his arms in the air for emphasis.

“Calm down both of you!” yelled Katara, a hand outstretched towards both of them.

Zuko looked down, suddenly ashamed.

“I… I was destroying her necklace,” he said quietly. Sokka scoffed.

“Well I knew the necklace was destroyed, I burnt my hand trying to salvage the half you didn’t turn into ash! _See!_ ” he pointed at a pale half-moon on one of his hands.

“I already told you Sokka! He was helping me get rid of that nasty spirit that you and Aang practically _invited_ into the mortal realm!” snapped Katara impatiently. 

“Hey, _that_ was mostly Aang. Moreover, I didn’t see any spirits on the beach. Just you and him, with him flaming fire at you!”

“It was _you_ -” said Zuko, realisation dawning, “ _You_ hit me in the back of the head!”

“And _you_ squealed like a baby,” retorted Sokka smugly.

Zuko remembered the serene face of the spirit. He remembered her hateful black eyes, and how it felt when her pincer reached inside his body and _tore_ … He shuddered at the memory.

“That… that isn’t why I screamed,” he said quietly.

Katara turned to look at Zuko sharply. 

“What did it do to you?” she asked gently, laying a hand on his arm.

Zuko stared at her helplessly, opening his mouth to finish explaining, but then the moment was shattered by an unwelcome intrusion into the oasis.

“Well _well,_ so Prince Zuko is _alive_.”

It was Zhao.

“He’s here for the Avatar you have to take him and leave, _now!_ ” said Zuko hurriedly.

“That’s a bit rich coming from _you_ ,” snapped Sokka.

“But we _can’t_ move Aang, he won’t be able to find his body again,” fretted Katara.

Soldiers fanned out behind Zhao, four firebenders.          

“Either you take him or Zhao will. _Go_ ,” Zuko urged, walking forward to put himself between the two groups. He sunk into a defensive stance, one fist facing forward, the other open palmed by his face.

“What are you doing?” asked Katara.

“Holding them off. _Leave_ ,” he didn’t want Zhao anywhere near Katara.

“Well, let’s hurry up before he changes his mind, help me grab Aang,” said Sokka, not needing to be told twice. Maybe he was smarter than Zuko had previously given his credit for.  

“We can’t leave him here to fight on his own! If _he’s_ staying to fight so am I!” cried Katara.

“NO!” yelled Sokka and Zuko simultaneously. Belatedly Zuko realised that this was precisely the wrong thing to say to get her to go. Apparently, Sokka realised this too, because he followed up with “You said you’d protect Aang, so where _he_ goes, _you_ go. _Come on_.”

Katara and Sokka continued to bicker, but Zuko ignored them and started approaching Zhao and his men. He crossed one of the bridges.

“So now you’re a full blown traitor to your nation? I’m not surprised. I always knew you had no honor,” called Zhao.

The worst thing was that Zhao was _right_. Zuko had no honor, and he no longer had any intention of doing the one thing that would get him his honor back.

The four soldiers spread out defensively in front of Zhao.

“I want you to incapacitate him so we can take the traitor prisoner. Permanent damage is fine as long as it won’t kill him _before_ we get back to the firenation,” ordered Zhao.

“Er… but sir, that’s Prince Zuko, the Firelord’s own _son_ …” mumbled one of the men. They all shifted uncomfortably.

“Are you questions my orders Private Chou!?” Private Chou visibly gulped.

“N-no sir, of course not sir…”

“Good. Now attack!”

Four versus one wasn’t good odds against imperial firebenders, but Zuko was filled with anger and hate, mostly directed at himself, and it lent his firebending strength, just as the early morning rays of sunlight did.

The four soldiers lashed out first, and then the battle was on. Zuko was forced on the defensive, blocking and ducking furiously.   

He was relieved when he heard the sky bison pass over his head, but then two of his opponents were knocked off their feet with a giant wave, and Zuko’s heart dropped out of chest.

Katara swooped in, sliding along a pathway made of ice, before neatly coming to a stop so they were back to back.

“What are you doing?!” he snarled.

“Stopping firebenders from burning you to a crisp,” she retorted, gathering water into two long extensions of her arms.  

The two men Katara had swept off their feet got up. The fight was back on, and Zuko didn’t have any breath spare to continue chastising her.

He leapt in front of her to block a fireball, but then _she_ fired a column of water at the man and froze him to the cliff face.

Zuko sent a firewhip at a soldier and Katara blocked a fireball that was aimed at his back from another.

Zuko’s terror for Katara’s safety slowly abated as he realised that she was worlds better at fighting compared to how she’d been in his vision.

They worked remarkable well together despite never having fought on the same side before, weaving together their offence and defence.

Katara froze a second man underneath one of the bridges after Zuko knocked him into the water with a fire punch.

Katara froze the third man in a giant ball of ice, and Zuko defended her back while she did it.

They advanced together towards the last soldier.

Katara sent a waterwhip at him, but before it could reach its mark, the water abruptly fell to the ground.

“My… My bending, it’s _gone!_ ” cried Katara. The other soldiers she had imprisoned were released as all the ice melted back into water with a splash.

Sensing his advantage, the soldier in front of them sent a firewhip at Katara, but Zuko leap in front to block it.

Behind Zuko, Katara gasped.

“T-the moon!” she stuttered, pointing into the sky.

Zuko looked up and felt his jaw drop. The moon was _red_. Blood red.

_What is Agni’s name is going on…_

The newly released soldiers closed in.

“Stay behind me,” Zuko ordered Katara over his shoulder.  

“I am a legend now!” cried Zhao loudly; startling everyone into remembering that he was also present.

He was standing by the koi fish pond brandishing a cloth bag which jerked in his grasp. Zuko squinted… did Zhao have a _koi fish_ in that bag?

“The firenation will for generations tell stories about the great Zhao who darkened the moon!” he cried jubilantly.

“Er, congratulations sir!” called one of the soldiers uncertainly, but Zhao ignored him in favour of muttering to himself, “They will called me Zhao the _conqueror_ , or maybe Zhao the _moon-slayer_. No, Zhao the _Invincible_ -”

Zuko, Katara, and the soldiers returned their attention to each other when it became clear that Zhao neither expected nor required any input from them. He was content to continue basking in his own greatness.

The soldiers shot fireballs at them, herding rather than aiming to injure, until Zuko and Katara were cornered against the cliffs.

Zuko felt panic rising in his chest. He couldn’t fight them _and_ defend Katara at the same time, and he desperately didn’t want her to get burnt.

“Just give up son, we’ve got you surrounded,” said one of the men.

“I’ll come quietly if you promise not to hurt her,” he replied.

The men looked at each other.

“She froze me to a _wall_ ,” said one man flatly.

“Yeah well, she can’t freeze _anything_ anymore.”

“And she’s just a kid.”

“Look at them, they _both_ are…”

“Alright all those in favour say aye,”

“Aye,” coursed three of the men, while the one who’d been frozen to the wall said “Nay.”

“You’re such a grumpy bastard Lu Zen,” said one of the men, shaking his head. 

“Anyway, you got a deal Prince Zuko; we won’t hurt your _Princess_ -”

Suddenly, all four soldiers were blasted off their feet by a powerful gust of wind.

The air bison was back, and the Avatar was awake again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? :) How was the interaction between Zuko and Katara?  
> Sorry for any typos, they are all my own.  
> Did I mention that this will probably be a slowburn fic? And that Zuko has a long journey to rid himself of angst? Poor boy.


	7. The Death and Rebirth of the Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko didn’t know what to do about the clash between his feelings for Katara and his feelings towards his nation and regaining his honor, but he did know that both warring halves of himself were calling for Zhao to receive justice.

**Chapter 7 – The Death and Rebirth of the Moon**

The Avatar's blast of air pushed the soldiers into the lake with a splash.

The air bison flew over their heads, and landed on the island in front of the pond. The Avatar and Sokka leap off to confront Zhao.

Katara gasped, and rushed over the bridge to join them. Zuko hesitantly followed her, resisting the urge to simply snatch her up and take her away somewhere safe. Zhao was here in the Oasis, which meant that the siege had begun and there was nowhere safe left in the Northern Water Tribe anyway.

Katara stood by the Avatar, Zuko hovered behind them uncertainly, and the soldiers climbed out of the lake to stand by Zhao.

The standoff was tense; Zuko had never seen the Avatar so serious before.

"Don't bother," called Zhao coldly, holding a threatening fist up to the squirming cloth bag.

"Zhao, _don't_!" cried the Avatar, dropping his staff and holding his hands up in a placating manner.

"It's _my_ destiny to destroy moon, _and_ the Water Tribe!" insisted Zhao. His eyes were wide and maniacal. Zuko thought there was no reasoning with him, he was too far-gone into his delusions of grandeur, but the Avatar tried anyway.

"Destroying the moon won't just hurt the Water Tribe. It will hurt _everyone,_ including you. Without the moon, everything would fall out of balance. You have no idea what kind of chaos that would unleash on the world!" he cried earnestly.

"He's _right_ Zhao."

Zuko turned around in surprise. It was _Iroh_ crossing the second bridge. His yellow eyes were narrowed, and fixed unblinkingly on Zhao.

He came to a halt between the two groups.

"General Iroh? Why am I not surprised to discover your treachery?"

"I'm no traitor Zhao!"

Zuko staggered back as his Uncle's words reverberated through his head,

_I'm no traitor Zhao!_

_I'm no traitor Zhao!_

_I'm no traitor Zhao!_

Zuko could not honestly say the same about himself. Iroh had said just hours earlier that he thought of Zuko as his own… would he still feel that way if he found out that Zuko was a traitor? If he found out that Zuko was putting the interests of a water tribe girl above his own people?

This was much worse than speaking out of turn at a war meeting. Would Iroh challenge him to an Agni Kai? His gut told him no, but then again his thirteen year old self never would have thought his father would burn half his face off, and it had happened.

"The Firenation needs the moon too. We all depend on the balance. Whatever you do to that spirit, I'll unleash on you tenfold! Let it go! _Now_!" Zuko rarely heard his Uncle use that voice, the authoritative tone of a General of the Fire Nation Army.

Iroh took up a strong aggressive stance that made the men behind Zhao shift uncomfortably. It reminded Zuko that although Iroh was his jolly tea-loving Uncle, he was _also_ the Dragon of the West.

Zhao's face went oddly blank, and he knelt to release the fish back into the pond.

For a moment, the moon went back to shining with its usual pearly luminescence, but then Zhao's face twisted into something dark and ugly. He lashed out violently, setting the surface of the pond alight with the force of his blow.

The color seemed to leach out of the world around him as the light of the moon was extinguished. Being a firebender, Zuko had never really given the moon very much thought previously, but to see it disappear from the sky without a trace so completely… it was _horrifying_.

Iroh made good on his threat and sprang into action immediately, attacking with the ferocity that took Zhao's men off guard. He made short work of the four firebenders, but Zhao managed to slip away in the commotion.

No one bothered following him, instead gathering in front of the pond.

A white koi fish floated belly up in the center of the pond, and it was covered in sickeningly charred welts. The remaining black koi fish flitted around its dead fellow's body frantically. It was an oddly heart-breaking sight.

Iroh reached out and gently lifted the dead koi fish out of the water. He looked unbearably sad.

"There is no hope left," said the girl with white hair, tears falling thick and heavy down her cheeks.

Sokka put a comforting hand on her shoulder, looking uncharacteristically solemn, and she threw herself into his embrace.

The Avatar was unnaturally still, eyes emotionlessly fixed on the remaining black koi fish.

Zuko focused on Katara's face... she looked _devastated._ Because of Zhao, she would never be able to bend again. Zuko thought about how he would feel if the sun suddenly went out forever…

Devastated didn't even begin to cover it.

He spun on his heel and marched away from the group decisively.

Zuko didn't know what to do about the clash between his feelings for Katara and his feelings towards his nation and regaining his honor, but he _did_ know that both warring halves of himself were calling for Zhao to receive _justice_.

He left the oasis and gave chase. Every step he took away from Katara brought back the ache in his chest, but he ignored it.

As he ran through the city this time, it wasn't asleep. The battle was well underway and what Zuko saw unsettled him greatly.

There were bodies floating face down in the canals. There were firenation men frozen solid in blocks of ice and watertribe men writhing in agony from burns that were still smouldering.

Watertribe men fled desperately from platoons of firebenders, unable to defend themselves because the moon was gone, and along with it their bending.

The stench of charred flesh was heavy on the wind, and blood stained the snow. It occurred to Zuko that that it was all red, no matter what nation it had spilled from.

Deep down Zuko had already known, but it was confirmed for him that he had no appetite for war or violence. The screams and grunts of men in pain filled the frigid night air, and Zuko felt sick to his stomach.

It was more proof of how weak and pathetic he was, which made him irrationally angry at himself for not being stronger, and angry at Zhao for invading the Northern Water Tribe in the first place and condoning the bloodshed.

He had to take a circuitous route to avoid being caught up in the relentless push forward of the Firenation troops, running along roof tops and leaping across canals.

When he finally caught up with Zhao, they had crossed most of the city, and they were very close to the icy outer wall.

Well, what was left of it.

Zuko could see its lumpy remains in the distance, and beyond that, Zhao's fleet on the smooth surface of the ocean.

Zhao was on a wide balcony, looking for a way to climb down. Zuko cut him off with a fireball, which smashed into the balustrade.

" _You!_ " Zhao said it like an oath.

"You tried to have me killed!" bellowed Zuko, leaping down onto the balcony, punching fire balls at Zhao. Zhao managed to dodge out of the way, and Zuko's fire blew up some decorative pots, throwing dust up into the air.

"Yes I did!" admitted Zhao proudly, "You're the Blue Spirit, an enemy of the Firenation. You freed the Avatar!"

"I had no choice!"

"You should have chosen to accept your disgrace," Zhao undid the clasp of his cape and it fluttered to the ground, "Then at least you could have lived!"

Zhao was a powerful bender, but Zuko was quick and agile. They exchanged blows, Zhao lashing out forcefully, Zuko flipping and darting out of the way.

Out of the corner of his eye, Zuko spotted a flash of light and colour streaking down the main watercourse towards the ocean, but he purposefully put it out of his mind to focus on fighting.

Zhao was not as good at ignoring the distraction, and he faltered for a moment, allowing Zuko to get under his defenses and push him off balance. He toppled off the balcony on to the roof of another building below.

With no hesitation, Zuko jumped down to follow him.

Zhao landed with a thud on his back, and let out a pained grunt.

Zuko broke his own fall with a somersault, and rolled smoothly back to his feet, advancing on Zhao with his arms poised for attack. From his position on the ground, Zhao threw up a wall of flames.

Zuko halted his advance to dissipate the fire, which gave Zhao the chance to scramble back to his feet.

He immediately turned tail and ran away.

"You coward! Come back here and face me!" yelled Zuko, giving chase.

Zhao jumped off the roof and landed on one of the many bridges that crossed the main waterway below.

Zuko followed, leaping off the roof and bringing his leg down in a powerful arc to create a firewhip.

Zhao turned at the last moment and blocked.

"You stupid little _boy_ ," he spat, "I have better things to do than to be fighting you, but if you want to die so badly, _fine_!"

The fight was back on, and Zhao was not pulling any punches. He fought viciously and angrily, but Zuko was angrier, fueled by righteous wrath.

They exchanged blows, both of them relentlessly pouring anger into their punches, but while Zhao's anger was hot and chaotic, Zuko's was cold and controlled.

As Zhao's blows became more wild and erratic, Zuko's became more accurate and precise.

Eventually Zhao's defense slipped, and he overbalanced backwards. Zuko stood over him, breathing hard, hesitating about what he should do now that he had Zhao at his mercy.

"No! It can't be!" screamed Zhao, snapping Zuko out of his internal struggle.

Despite his better judgement, Zuko risked a glance over his shoulder to see what had so unnerved Zhao. The moon was back, restored to her full glory.

Suddenly, giant glowing fingers of water reached over either side the bridge, and began to bend over their heads like furling flower petals. Zuko could hear the anguished roar of the ocean resonating from the fingers, and an unearthly light seemed to animate the water from within.

Thinking fast, Zuko managed to dive roll out of the way.

Zhao was not so lucky; he was enveloped in their embrace.

The watery fingers tightened their grip, forming a giant fist and lifting Zhao clear off the bridge.

Zuko reacted instinctively.

"Take my hand!" he leap onto the balustrade of the bridge, stretching his arm out as far as possible.

But Zhao refused to accept his help.

The look on Zhao's face as the spirit carried him away would stick with Zuko for the rest of his life. It was disdain, superiority, and hatred all rolled into one. Zhao hated him so much, he thought Zuko was so _worthless_ , that he would rather die than take his hand.

Something about that rankled deeply, but Zuko just felt _sad_.

He wasn't sure how long he stood on that bridge, staring down at the murky water that Zhao had disappeared into… He was just too weary to do anything.

He only moved when he heard the low tone of the air bison approaching. He could tell Katara was on Appa without looking, he could feel traitorous warmth spreading though his chest at her nearness, replacing the numbness and the ache in his chest.

The sky bison passed over his head, and continued towards the outer wall. It began descending, and then Zuko lost sight of it.

Suddenly his chest ached keenly, making him double over in pain and surprise.

Somehow he knew instinctively that Katara was upset.

He followed the tug in his gut until he found himself on what must have been the main battlefield. Firenation tanks lay abandoned in the snow, gleaming lethally under the restored light of the full moon.

The ground was littered with dropped helmets, weapons, and _bodies_.

Trudging through the snow, Zuko was suddenly struck by how wasteful and pointless this attack was.

He couldn't in good conscious blame the Avatar, because it turned out that Zhao had really invaded in order to kill the moon spirit and destroy all waterbenders.

How was that supposed to add to the glory to the Firenation? How was wiping out another nation supposed to spread their greatness to the rest of the world?

From what he'd seen, the Water Tribe had things under control anyway. They didn't need Firenation help, they had tamed their harsh environment on their own.

It was an unprovoked, unnecessary attack, and now he was walking past dead men. Some of them didn't look much older than he did, and all of them had been sacrificed on the altar of Zhao's ambition and greed.

He spotted Sokka first, gripping a man from behind and dragging him backwards through the snow towards the bison.

Katara was a little further away leaning over another man, a familiar blue glow emanating from where she was touching him.

It appeared that the siblings had stumbled upon a group of survivors that hadn't managed to fall back into the city when the moon had first died.

Zuko approached Katara, but then he reared back in dismay when he saw the extent of the injuries she was trying to heal.

One of the man's arms was gone, he was covered in burns, and there was a deep charred hole in the middle of his abdomen.

Zuko could hardly believe he was still alive.

Sokka was trying to pull the man up onto the bison when he finally noticed Zuko's presence.

"Zuko!" he exclaimed in surprise. He seemed to struggle internally with himself, and his mouth opened and closed several times before he finally spoke again.

"Help me get this guy up here," he eventually demanded. His blue eyes belied the forcefulness of his tone, they were _pleading_.

Without a word, Zuko walked over and lifted the man's legs. Together he and Sokka maneuvered the man onto Appa's saddle.

He had nasty burns covering his torso, and he whimpered pitifully in pain as they moved his limp body.

They repeated the process for six more men who were still alive, all of them with an assortment of very vicious burns. The kind of burn that went so deep that the nerves were killed, rendering the whole area numb.

The kind of burn you got from fighting _firebenders_.

He managed to keep himself together long enough to help Sokka lift the last man into place, but then he scrambled off the bison, fell to his knees in the snow, and threw up.

Everything he'd seen that day seemed to hit him at once, the bodies, Zhao, the _burns_.

It was too much, too close, too _raw_. He remembered the searing pain of his own burn, the smell, the _fear_. He remembered the fevered delirium, being in a fog of agony for days. That was what awaited these men.

After he managed to stop retching, Zuko looked up to see that Sokka was frowning at him thoughtfully, like he was trying to solve a difficult puzzle.

Zuko forced himself to his feet and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand brusquely.

"What?" he snapped irritably, embarrassed at having been caught in a vulnerable moment.

"Just surprised that you're human after all," replied Sokka simply, walking past Zuko to go to his sister.

"Katara, we need to fly these guys up to the healing huts," he murmured gently, kneeling down beside her. He gently placed a hand on her shoulder.

"We can't move him yet, and if I stop this he'll _die_ ," replied Katara stubbornly, not taking her eyes off her glowing water. She shrugged Sokka's hand off her shoulder.

Zuko and Sokka exchanged a glance. Both of them could clearly see what Katara was refusing to acknowledge; the man was doomed. His injuries were too extensive, too _deep_. Her healing water hardly seemed to be having an effect, and his breath was coming in catches. He was in the midst of his death throes.

Neither of them could bring themselves to point this out to her. It wouldn't do any good, she would insist on trying until the very end.

"I don't want to leave you here by yourself, but if I don't get those other men help…"

"I'll stay with her," said Zuko quietly. Sokka gave him a hard look.

"Right, because thinking about my baby sister alone with _you_ is supposed to make me feel a whole lot better huh?" he snapped sarcastically.

Zuko shrugged helplessly.

" _Go_ Sokka, I'll be fine," urged Katara.

Sokka huffed in frustration, clearly conflicted about what he should do.

"Ok _fine_ , but as soon as I drop these guys off, I'm coming _straight_ back for you."

He addressed Zuko next, stepping well into his personal space and narrowing his eyes.

Zuko noticed that they were red and puffy, as if he'd been crying.

"She _better_ be okay when I come back, or _else_ ," he threatened, staring into Zuko's eyes steadily.

"I won't hurt her," replied Zuko sincerely. He wanted to add that he would protect her with his life, but he had a funny feeling that would come across as laying it on too thick, even though it was true.

Sokka gave him a hard penetrating glare, before visibly deflating and sighing in defeat.

"For some reason I believe you."

With that, he turned away and jogged over the air bison, as if he was trying to leave before he changed his mind. He climbed up, Zuko heard him exclaim " _Yip yip_ ," and then they were gone.

Zuko edged as near as he dared to Katara, and stood guard watchfully.

She was getting progressively more frantic as the man slipped further and further out of her grasp, bending more and more water around his body, until his whole torso was engulfed in a glowing wreath.

"No no no no, come on! You _can't_!" she cried in anguish.

The man gave out one last rattling breath, and then he lay still, his blue eye open and unseeing. He was gone.

"No, please, I-I can heal you…" Katara continued applying her water to the man's wounds heedlessly.

"Katara, you need to stop," said Zuko softly, crouching down beside her.

"No, I just need more _time_ -" her voice broke and the water she was controlling splashed to the ground.

She tried to gather it back up to continue, but her hands were shaking too much.

"That's enough, there isn't anything you can do for him anymore-"

"No, y-you're wrong!"

"Katara, he's _dead_ ," he tried to say it gently, but he'd never had any practice at sugar-coating.

"I can fix him…" she insisted weakly, trying desperately to calm her shaking hands enough to coat them with water again.

The meagre beads of water she managed to gather splashed to the ground once more, and this time Katara didn't try to bend again.

Gently but firmly, Zuko gripped her wrists and pulled her to her feet. She responded to his guidance limply and unprotestingly, allowing him to draw her away from the dead man.

He let go of her to go back and crouch beside the man - _boy_ , he looked no older than Zuko himself- and he gently nudged his eyes closed, whispering a quick blessing under his breath.

_May your spirit find peace in the next world._

He stood and bowed low over the body; left fist pressed to his right palm, and paid his respects.

Behind him, Katara was sniffing. He returned to her side to find her eyes downcast and brimming with tears. As she looked up at him, they spilled over.

The sight of tears on her cheeks twisted Zuko up horribly on the inside, and he automatically reached up towards her face. This time she didn't flinch away, and he wiped her tears away carefully using his thumb. The skin of her cheek was chilled.

Suddenly, as if the flood gates had been opened, sobs wracked her small frame. The sound of it pierced Zuko's heart and made his chest ache. The ache in his chest screamed at him to comfort her.

Very hesitantly, afraid to startle or upset her even more, Zuko stepped closer and loosely wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

She threw her arms around his waist, clinging to him like he was a life preserver.

It felt… _right_ to hold her like this, as if all the time he'd spent over the past three years honing his body and sharpening his skills was just for this moment, to shelter her. A calm blissfulness settled over his mind and body at her nearness.

"My f-fault, its all my fault," she sobbed.

Haltingly, Zuko tried to mimic her action from earlier, rubbing slow circles on her back with one hand. He stroked her hair with the other.

"Shh, no it isn't," he soothed.

"It _is_. Master P-Pakku said Kassuq could fight if he beat m-me at sparring and I l-let him win. He shouldn't have been here!"

"If anyone is to blame it's Zhao, for killing the moon. Kassuq was willing to fight to protect his home. He died with _honor_. Don't diminish his sacrifice."

"I should have been able to heal him!" she cried.

"You did your best Katara," he said softly.

They stood like that for a while, her sobbing and him comforting. Eventually she quietened and her shoulders stopped heaving, and then she suddenly stiffened in his embrace.

Zuko quickly released his hold on her to allow her to wriggle away.

She backed up so there was a meter between them, and stared at him with sad, wet, blue eyes. Zuko itched to gather her back up, to smooth crease between her brows, but he held himself still.

"You... You've been acting so strangely! Tell me what happened on the beach. _Now_ ," she demanded desperately.

Zuko swallowed nervously. He didn't want to talk about it, but he couldn't deny her anything she asked of him.

"After… after I finished the firebending form, I… I tried to destroy your necklace," Zuko had to look away in shame, "It - it represented a gateway to the spirit world and destroying it was supposed to banish the spirit back to where it belonged. Something - your brother - hit me in the head and distracted me for a moment, and the spirit had the chance to… to…" thinking about it put him back in the moment, when the spirit reached into his chest and ripped a part of him out…

"Zuko?"

Katara's voice brought him back to himself.

She took one of his hands in both of hers, and he noticed that his hand was trembling in her grip.

"What did the spirit do to you?" she asked emphatically.

"She – it… it _stabbed_ me – right _here_ ," Zuko placed his other hand in the center of his chest shakily, "At first I – I thought I was okay because it passed right through, but then I-I felt something _tear_. I managed to break your necklace after that and the spirit disappeared, but ever since then I've… I've…" he didn't know how to put how he felt into words.

"You haven't been the same," finished Katara softly, "You helped me, you helped Sokka just now, and you didn't try to capture Aang when you had the chance…" Zuko could almost see her brain ticking fiercely behind her thoughtful frown.

"Why Zuko? Why did you do those things? Why haven't you tried to capture Aang?"

"…For _you_ …" he said it barely above a whisper, but he knew Katara heard him because she dropped his hand as if he had burned her.

She was _completely_ horrified. Her eyes were wide, and one of her hands covered her mouth, which had dropped open in shock

" _No_ …" she breathed.

"I… I'm sorry-" Zuko stuttered.

" _No_ Zuko, _I'm_ sorry," she replied miserably.

"You know what's happening to me?"

" _Yes_. The spirit stole your heart, and I think she gave it to _me_ ," Katara looked ready to start weeping at the thought, "That's why you haven't been yourself. Aang managed to fix someone that this happened to, don't worry, I'll speak to him and he'll fix you too," she said with conviction.

Zuko shook his head.

"It's better this way. If I'm fixed, I might go back to hunting the Avatar. I might try to hurt you and your friends again. You should leave me like this, that way I won't ever hurt you again," he had a vague idea of how angry he would be if he were completely himself, and it frightened him. He didn't know what he would do.

" _No_ ," intoned Katara seriousily, "Everyone deserves free will, and if giving you back yours makes us enemies again, so be it." Zuko blinked.

"But it would be better for you-"

" _I don't care!_ You don't deserve to be stuck this way Zuko! It's not _right_!" she burst into tears again, and that was the moment Appa arrived back, touching down beside them.

Sokka leap out of the saddle and rushed to Katara's side, putting an arm over her shoulders.

He glared at Zuko over her head.

"What did he do?" Sokka demanded.

"H-he didn't do anything Sokka! I couldn't save Kassuq a-and the spirt did the same thing to him as it did to Jaya!" she sobbed.

"You mean, that's why he's-"

" _Yes!_ "

Sokka looked at Zuko with pity.

"…We better find Aang. Come on."

Sokka helped Katara up onto the saddle, before pulling himself up after her.

"Well? You coming?" called Sokka, offering Zuko a hand from the top of the bison.

Before he could do anything, he heard a yell.

" _Zuko!_ " all three teens turned at the new voice.

Iroh was rushing towards them.

"You guys go on without me," Zuko implored hurriedly. He wasn't ready for Iroh to know he was a full-blown traitor yet, he wasn't ready to give up his final remaining familial connection. If Katara and Sokka interacted with Iroh, they would probably give him away

"But Zuko-" he cut Katara's protestations off, "You need to find the Avatar and I need to deal with my Uncle. We'll catch up later," he said firmly.

Katara and Sokka exchanged a glace before nodding at him, and Zuko sagged in relief.

"Yip yip," said Sokka, and then they were soaring away. Katara's forlorn face stared at him over the edge of the saddle until they were lost amongst the clouds.

"Zuko, are you alright?" Iroh seized him by the shoulders and checked him over for injuries.

"I'm okay Uncle."

"Good. We should leave. _Now_."

" _What?_ Why?"

"The Chief's daughter sacrificed her life to restore the moon spirit. Understandably, he isn't in a very lenient or forgiving mood."

Zuko felt a pang of sadness.

"The girl with white hair?"

Iroh nodded solemnly.

It would probably be better for Katara if he just left. If he stayed, she would get the Avatar to fix him, and he would try to hurt her. He didn't want that.

"Okay. Let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Fight scenes are really hard to write!  
> Sorry about typos as always!  
> Please let me know what you think


	8. Azula

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Father has changed his mind. Family is suddenly very important to him. He has heard rumors of plans to overthrow him, treacherous plots. Family are the only ones you can really trust. Father regrets your banishment, he wants you home."
> 
> It was everything he ever wanted…

**Azula**

Zuko didn't ask where Iroh found the makeshift skiff as they cast off from the shores of the ruined outer wall. The sheer devastation they had to navigate through left Zuko slack-jawed.

He gaped in shock and horror as the light of the setting sun glimmered off the jagged surfaces of Zhao's drowned fleet. There was just as much wrecked black metal sticking out of the smooth surface of the ocean as there were icebergs. There were more floating bodies bobbing stiffly than he could count, frosted with ice. They sparkled in the sunlight, eyes glassy and unseeing.

"Uncle, what happened to the fleet?" Zuko asked faintly, fixing his eyes on the horizon to avoid looking at the bodies. He was terrified that if he looked at one too closely it would be someone he knew from his crew.

"Zhao enraged the Ocean Spirit when he killed his lover, the Moon Spirit. The Ocean Spirit merged with the Avatar to exact _revenge_. The only thing that stopped the rampage was Princess Yue's sacrifice," Zuko wondered if he himself would have laid down his life to save his people from a similar fate…

_In a heartbeat._

"She did her duty to her people," he said solemnly.

"She was also very brave," murmured Iroh.

"… Yes. She was," Zuko agreed after a beat.

"What happened to Zhao?" Iroh asked. Zuko thought of the furious roar he had heard coming from the fingers of water as they had closed over Zhao and dragged him to a watery grave… Is that what drowned the rest of the soldiers too?

"The Ocean Spirit took him," he explained shortly. Iroh was unsurprised.

"He meddled with forces far beyond his power or understanding. It is truly tragic that so many men had to pay for his avarice with their lives," Iroh's voice was heavy with sorrow and regret.

"Do you think… do you think that…" Zuko was afraid of the answer he would receive if he asked his question so he trailed off into uncertainty.

"I think a few of the ships got away," answered Iroh with a knowing look.

Zuko nodded curtly. He still had hope that his men had been spared, that _any_ men had been spared was a miracle.

As they gained distance from the Northern Water Tribe, Zuko's chest prickled uncomfortably. He rubbed his chest idly, but quickly dropped his hand when Iroh's gaze fixed on his gesture worriedly.

"I'm surprised you acquiesced so easily when I suggested our departure. I'm surprised that at this moment you are not trying to capture the Avatar…" ventured Iroh carefully.

"I'm tired," replied Zuko truthfully. He was bone weary, and numb.

Iroh put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Then you should rest. A man needs his rest."

Zuko lay down on the floor of the skiff and closed his eyes.

* * *

They were adrift at sea for three weeks in total, with no food or water. During that time, the prickling in his chest reverted to the full-blown aching chasm it had been on Zhao's ship.

The distance he was putting between himself and Katara felt like a tangible thing that was being stretched further and further beyond its limits.

His nightmares returned, and with them, the clawing and scratching at his chest.

He dreamed that Katara sacrificed her life to restore the Moon Spirit instead of Princess Yue. He was left clutching her lifeless body in the oasis.

He dreamed that Zhao's men defeated him in the oasis. They forced him to watch and listen as they branded her face so they would match.

He dreamed that one of the bodies floating face down in the ocean was hers…

It was impossible to conceal his suffering from Iroh on their tiny skiff. The first few nights Iroh had shaken him awake and tried to get Zuko to talk with him about it, but Zuko remained tight-lipped and uncommunicative.

Luckily, Iroh attributed his altered behavior to something else entirely.

After one particularly nasty dream where Katara had been carried off by the vengeful Ocean Spirit, Iroh once again shook him awake.

"I have always wanted to spare you the horrors of war my Nephew," he murmured. He looked as if he would be weeping if he weren't too dehydrated to produce tears.

The next day they made landfall.

They drank their fill at a small creek, before dragging their weak bodies to a small Firenation outpost. It was only a handful; a handful of houses, servants, settlers, and soldiers, but they were very lucky to have landed nearby.

The pain in his chest and thoughts of Katara had been so all consuming that Zuko didn't realize how hungry he was until steaming hot, fragrant food was put before him.

He had never starved before, so he ignored Iroh's advice to take it slowly and in small portions.

He stuffed himself silly, and spent his first night back in civilization throwing his guts up.

After that he did as Iroh advised him and carefully sipped his broth and took small bites.

After a few days with proper meals, Zuko felt much stronger, although the ache did not abate and sleep was still not restful.

He was sitting in the sun, trying to tune out Iroh prattling on to his masseurs, when the world in front of him disappeared…

 _He heard Katara scream. He and looked down to see that he was encased in earth up to his knees, except they weren't_ his _knees and_ he _wasn't looking. Katara was. She scrabbled for purchase with her hands, but it was no use._

" _I can't move!" she cried in panic._

_She was surrounded by earthbenders wielding giant stone wheels. They formed a V around her, and Katara was at the point._

" _Don't hurt her!" it was the Avatar. He sent a blast of air at a tall powerfully built man with a large beard. The man bent a shield of rock, and the air whistled past him harmlessly._

_The man made a gesture with his hands, and with a shriek, Katara spiraled deeper into the earth, up to her thighs._

_Zuko could only observe in mounting fear and frustration. Why was the Earth Kingdom attacking Katara? The Avatar was their ally!_

" _Katara! No!" Sokka charged at the man on an ostrich horse, but the man lazily flicked a wrist and the ostrich horse's feet became encased in earth. Sokka went flying through the hole at the center of one of the giant wheels._

" _Stop this! You_ have _to let her go!" The Avatar seized the man's sleeve._

" _You could save her if you were in the Avatar state," he jeered._

" _I'm trying! I'm trying!" tears of desperation dripped down the Avatar's face._

" _Aang! I'm sinking!" there was real panic in Katara's voice as she slid into the earth up to her chest._

" _I don't see glowing!" the man taunted._

_With a terrified yelp, Katara slid down further until only her head was visible._

" _Please!" she begged, struggling to keep her chin above the quicksand-like earth around her._

" _You don't need to do this!" screamed the Avatar in anguish, falling to his knees._

" _Apparently I_ do _," said the man coldly. He closed his fist, and the earth swallowed Katara completely._

_It was pitch black, she couldn't see anything. She could feel walls of earth surrounding her on all sides, like a tomb. The rock encased her so tightly that she couldn't move an inch._

_Her shuddering panicked breaths sounded very loud in the confined space._

_Zuko tried to urge her to calm down, to breathe slower and conserve oxygen, but she remained insensible to his presence._

_Zuko could make out the muffled sound of things happened above ground._

" _It worked! IT WORKED!" cried the man joyously. A moment later, he yelped in alarm._

_It sounded like a fierce storm was whipping up above them._

" _Avatar Aang! Can you hear me!" called the man. It was difficult to hear him above the roar of the storm._

" _Your friend is safe!"_

_Suddenly Katara was moving. She burst through the surface of the earth and landed on her hands and knees, gulping down fresh air and blinking in the sunlight._

" _It was just a trick to trigger the Avatar State!"_

_The Avatar State was truly a frightening thing to behold. The Avatar sat the top of a tornado, staring down at the world with angry glowing eyes._

" _-and it worked!"_

_The Avatar gave no indication that he heard or understood anything the man had said._

_The tornado collapsed, sending dust whirling in every direction. Katara raised her arms to shield her face, and squeezed her eyes shut._

_The next minute was terrifying, the earth shook and roiled, there came the splintering sound of wood being destroyed, and the heavy thud of earth hitting earth. Zuko was sure that at any moment Katara would be crushed or impaled, but she stayed tightly curled in a defensive ball and remained untouched by the maelstrom around her._

_When the dust finally cleared and Katara uncurled and opened her eyes, the Avatar stood in the middle of absolute devastation, an angry half-bubble of air still swirling around him._

_Katara stood and tried to approach, making hot fear sink into the pit of Zuko stomach. Did she always have to go out of her way to put herself in danger? Zuko longed to snatch her back, but he was powerless to do anything._

_Luckily, she was rebuffed by the wind, and unable to get much closer._

_A few more minutes passed, and then the air stilled. The glowing stopped, and the Avatar fell to his knees…_

Zuko came back to himself with a start. His heart was racing and his palms were sweaty.

He felt certain that his vision was real, which meant that Katara was no longer at the North Pole, she was somewhere in the Earth Kingdom.

He needed to find her. If the Earth Kingdom was after them too, she needed his help staying out of trouble.

He was ruminating so intently, that he didn't notice Iroh sidling up to him.

"I see - it's the anniversary isn't it?" he said gently, lowering himself sit cross-legged beside Zuko.

Zuko's eyes widened as he quickly calculated the dates in his head…

"Three years ago today I was banished…. I lost it all…" he remarked softly.

He still wanted the Avatar, he still wanted his honor, and he still wanted his throne. Most of all he wanted his father not to think he was worthless - the only problem was that he couldn't help but want what Katara wanted _more_.

He couldn't bear to meet Iroh's eyes, they were full of sympathy that he didn't deserve.

 _Father is right to think I'm worthless…_ The thought was painful, but Zuko felt the truth of it down to his marrow. His father deserved a better son, a _worthier_ son as his first born, but instead he was stuck with a traitorous weakling.

"I'm going for a walk," he muttered brusquely, rubbing his aching chest absentmindedly.

* * *

He wasn't sure how long he wandered around aimlessly, thinking about his father and thinking about Katara, but when he returned, the sun was low in the sky, casting long shadows on the ground.

Iroh fell into step beside him, interrupting his thoughts as he made his way back to their dwelling.

"Hello nephew," he greeted cheerfully. Zuko acknowledged Iroh with a curt nod. He knew what Iroh was trying to do, it had been a favored strategy of his for years to try and coax Zuko out of surliness with excessive good cheer. It rarely worked.

He held open the door for Iroh to enter; the old man's hands were full.

"Look at these magnificent shells! I'll enjoy these keepsakes for years to come," Iroh tipped his haul onto the table before selecting a pink shell to hold up for Zuko's approbation.

Zuko very badly wanted to snap at him that they didn't need any more useless things, after all they had to carry everything themselves now, but he couldn't work up the energy or the inclination to do so.

He felt too guilty. He felt like a fraud, an impostor pretending to be the real Prince Zuko. It was only a matter of time until his Uncle discovered his shame. All his usual fire and bluster towards Iroh was quite simply extinguished.

Moreover, he was _tired_. The days had been passing in a blurred haze of pain and disturbing dreams. Each morning it was getting harder and harder to obey the call of the sun and rise.

He was listless.

He _ached_ for Katara's presence.

"Hello brother, Uncle."

Both Iroh and Zuko jolted in surprise at the voice. It was Azula, Zuko's younger sister.

She was seated in the corner of the room, shrouded in shadows. Her voice was slightly different than he remembered, _older_ , but he would recognize that haughty saccharine tone anywhere.

All he could do was stare.

When he was banished, Azula was only eleven years old. Now she was fourteen, and it wasn't just her voice that was different. She'd grown taller and leaner; her features were more angular. She _really_ resembled their mother now.

"In _my_ country, we exchange a pleasant hello to greet one another," Azula chided mockingly when neither Zuko nor Iroh said anything. She gracefully uncrossed her legs and sauntered across the room to stand in front of them.

"Have you become uncivilized so soon Zuzu?" she taunted.

"I forgot you used to call me that," Zuko muttered. The nickname brought back many half-buried memories- largely unpleasant.

He always _hated_ being called Zuzu, but his chest ached and he was tired - he found himself unequal to working himself up into indignation. Zuko wondered if Katara called Sokka something silly and degrading…

_Don't worry, I have nightmares too…_

He dismissed it as unlikely.

"To what do we owe the honor Azula?" asked Iroh seriously.

Azula's gaze bore into Zuko, calculating and analyzing.

"I've come with a message from home," Azula's statement cut through Zuko's lethargy like a hot knife through butter. During the last three years, he had _never_ received any sort of communication from home. Azula smirked knowingly when Zuko's slouched posture straightened and his expression suddenly flipped from inattentive to completely focused, if a bit surprised.

She announced her message slowly and clearly, so there could be no misunderstanding.

"Father has changed his mind. Family is suddenly very important to him. He has heard rumors of plans to overthrow him, treacherous plots. _Family_ are the only ones you can _really_ trust. Father regrets your banishment, he wants you _home_."

It was _everything_ he ever wanted…

Irony. Bitter, bitter irony that his deepest, most ardent wish was being offered to him on a silver platter, and he couldn't accept.

He felt a piercing pain in his chest that might have been his heart breaking.

"Did you hear me? You should be happy, grateful, _excited_. I just gave you great news," declared Azula impatiently when Zuko remained perfectly frozen.

"I'm sure your brother simple needs a moment to-"

"Don't interrupt Uncle!" Azula snapped harshly, "I _still_ haven't heard my thank you. I'm _not_ a messenger. I didn't _have_ to come all this way," she continued. Zuko barely heard her.

"Father regrets…? He… wants me back?" his thoughts were so scattered that he struggled to articulate anything at all.

"I can see you need time to take this in. I'll come to call on you tomorrow. Good evening."

She let herself out, leaving a heavy silence in her wake.

Iroh was the one to break it.

"Zuko-"

"I-I'm going to bed," he muttered stiffly, before lurching clumsily to his room. He needed to be alone.

He slammed the door behind him, leaning his back against it.

He slid heavily to the floor, and hung his head.

Everything he ever wanted was within his grasp, but all he could think about was _Katara_. Katara entombed in stone, Katara threatened by soldiers, Katara laying down her very life to protect the Avatar… He wanted _, desperately_ , to go home, but he _needed_ her to be safe. He felt as if he was being torn in two.

There came a knock at the door.

"Zuko? Are you okay?" Iroh called, voice laced with concern, "May I come in and speak with you?" he appealed. The doorknob turned as he tried to open the door, but Zuko's weight was against it.

"I'm fine. Just tired. Going to sleep," Zuko replied, praying for Iroh to leave him be.

"…Okay Nephew. I just… I just want you to know that I care about you, and if you need to talk about _anything_ , I'm here," Zuko heard the floorboard creak as Iroh shifted away.

He didn't deserve Iroh's kindness and trust. Not when he was planning to betray him, to betray _everyone_.

He wanted to roar in frustration.

Instead, his eyes welled with tears, and for the first time since he'd been banished, he cried.

* * *

When the sun rose the next morning, Zuko packed some essentials into a bag. He dressed modestly in neutral colors, leaving behind anything that was red.

He went to cut off his top knot, going so far as to raise the knife to his head, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Not yet. He decided he would do it after he said good-bye to his sister and Iroh.

He didn't really want to see Azula again; she was a shining beacon of everything he should be, but wasn't. She knew it too, and when they were kids she never failed to rub it in his face, but she was still his sister, and she had come a long way to deliver their father's message. He owed her a reply.

When he emerged from his room, Iroh was waiting on the other side. He also owed Iroh… _something_. An apology, or some sort of explanation.

"Your sister sent a message. She will be awaiting us on her ship, it is moored in the harbor."

"G-great."

He felt sick with nerves over what he was going to do. His palms were sweaty, hands shaking. He tried to speak, to tell Iroh that he wasn't going home, but he couldn't quite get the words to leave his mouth.

"Zuko, are you okay? You look very unwell," Iroh put a hand on his shoulder and peered into his face.

"I'm fine. Let's go see Azula," he said shortly, shrugging it off.

"So you are accepting her offer?" asked Iroh sharply.

"I-I'm just…" he coughed to clear his throat, "I'm going to speak with her. Come on."

Iroh frowned, but followed Zuko as he made his way down to the wharf. Every step he took felt heavier than the last, like he was marching to his own execution. By the time he arrived on the beach, he felt like he was going to be sick, or faint.

Everything in him rebelled against rejecting Azula's offer, he _wanted_ it wholeheartedly, wanted it like he'd never wanted anything before, but he couldn't accept.

Azula was waiting on the bough of her ship with a full complement of soldiers lining the gang plank. Zuko couldn't help but notice that the ship was _twice_ the size of his, and clearly a newer model.

"Brother! Uncle! Welcome! I'm so glad you decided to come," she sounded genuinely happy, which made Zuko feel worse about what he was going to do.

"Are we ready to depart your highness?"

"Set a course for _home,_ Captain."

_Home…_

"Actually, Azula I-" he was cut off by the answering call of the Captain.

"You heard the Princess! Raise the anchors! We're taking the prisoners home!"

It took a moment for his brain to process the words.

_Prisoners_ _..._

The genuine, happy expression slid off Azula's face with frightening alacrity. The look she gave the Captain was a startling contrast- it was pure venom.

"Your highness, I…" the poor man trailed off into a petrified silence.

For a moment no one moved a muscle, and then Iroh sprang to life in a flurry of motion and fire, sweeping men into the ocean below them.

Zuko stood ridged on the gangplank. He was equal parts devastated and relieved.

"You _lied_ to me," he said evenly, staring up at Azula unflinchingly. Now that the decision to stay or go had been taken out of his hands, Zuko felt oddly calm.

"Like I've never done that before," she drawled dismissively. She stepped back neatly, slipping between two guards. They attacked him, heaving fire at his head.

Zuko blocked automatically, and executing a fiery swivel kick and a punch to knock both men overboard simultaneously.

"Zuko, lets go!" cried Iroh from further below, already dealing with the last few men barring their way.

He turned away from Azula to leave, keeping a wary eye on her as he went.

"You know father blames _Uncle_ for the loss at the North Pole, but he considers _you_ a miserable failure for not finding the Avatar!" Azula called mockingly.

Zuko halted in his tracks, and he saw Azula's smirk widen.

"Why would he want you back home? Except to lock you up where you can no longer embarrass him!" she was trying to goad him into attacking her. He wouldn't fall for it, not this time. He continued walking away.

"When did you learn to control your temper Zuzu? Mother would be _so_ proud," she said sarcastically.

"Mom wouldn't want us to be fighting," he answered roughly.

"What she would have wanted is immaterial seeing as she abandoned us. Poor Zuzu, mother always loved you better but she didn't love you enough to stay," against his better judgement, Zuko halted again. Sensing his weakness like a shark smelling blood in water, Azula went in for the kill.

"Maybe its a good thing she went missing, that she didn't have to witness for herself what a pathetic weakling her son turned out to be. Her son, a _traitor_. She would be _ashamed_ ," Azula's barb was a direct hit, and Zuko's tenuous control of his temper snapped. His calm had evaporated, and he saw red.

" _Fine_ Azula. You want a fight? You got it!"

He formed a pair of fire-daggers, and charged onto the ship with a battle cry.

He had improved leagues since he'd left the Firenation and continued his training under Iroh's tutelage, but Azula - who was already the superior fighter before he left - was even _better_ now.

She dodged his strikes with embarrassing ease, reading his strategy like a book and countering with ruthless efficiency.

She was playing with him, like a cat with a mouse, letting him tire himself out and waste energy on ineffective attacks.

When she finally sent fire at him it was _blue_. Zuko was so shocked that he failed to block Azula's kick, and was flung backwards in a sprawl on the ship deck.

Blue flames at _fourteen_? He never stood a chance.

Her arms moved in an unfamiliar pattern, weaving around each other in a wide graceful arc. Azula was conjuring something _.._. Something that _crackled_.

With a shock of clarity, Zuko realized what it was- _lightening-_ and then she was pointing two perfectly polished nails at the center of his chest…

Suddenly, at the very last moment possible, Iroh was there.

He grabbed Azula's hand firmly, somehow redirecting the lighting to glance off a nearby cliff face with a burst of rock and debris.

He bent Azula's wrist just shy of breaking, before unceremoniously tossing her overboard into the ocean below.

Her shriek of surprise and the sound of the smack when she hit the water was satisfying to Zuko's ears.

"Come on Nephew, we need to go!"

Zuko accepted the hand Iroh offered to help him up, and then they ran for their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think?
> 
> Did I get the characterizations right? I also struggle to write descriptions, were those okay?
> 
> Until next time :)


	9. Cutting Ties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I won't hunt the Avatar anymore. I'll never regain my honor. There is no hope for me at all…"

"I think we're safe here," said Iroh.

They had run until they couldn't move anymore, until the small Firenation outpost was a blot on the skyline behind them.

They both collapsed to their knees by a small river.

Zuko knew what he needed to do next.

He pulled out his dagger, put the sharp edge of the blade against his scalp, and in one smooth motion cut off his phoenix tail. He blindly passed the knife to Iroh who mimicked his actions, slicing off his grey top knot.

They dropped the severed ends of their hair into the water, and they floated away downstream with the rivers currents.

They were outcasts now.

"I'm sorry Uncle. This was all my fault," said Zuko heavily.

"I am just as much to blame. If I hadn't challenged Zhao at the North Pole-"

"Uncle, you don't need to say that to make me feel better. Azula was _right_."

"Zuko, what are you-"

"I _am_ a miserable failure, and-and I'm a _traitor_ ," the truth bubbled out, he couldn't keep it in anymore. He stared down at his knees, gripping fists full of his pants. A moment passed in silence and Zuko's heart pounded painfully.

He steeled himself to look up at Iroh, expecting to see disgust and anger, but instead Iroh's kind face was lined with care and worry. It twisted him up on the inside, but the ache in his chest reminded him to whom he belonged to now. Splitting up with his Uncle would hurt, but Katara was more important.

He was anxious about her safety, and he knew that if you wanted something done properly… well, he wouldn't be able to rest easy until he was in her presence.

"No you aren't. Nephew, you  _love_  the Firenation-" exclaimed Iroh.

"I  _am_  a t-traitor," Zuko insisted.

To his shame, his voice broke on the last word.

"Zuko…" Iroh was taken aback. Zuko took a deep breath and did his best to keep his voice steady.

"Something… something happened that I didn't tell you about…"

"What do you mean? When?"

"It - it doesn't matter. All that matters is that I'm too weak to fight it. I'm giving in."

"Giving in?" repeated Iroh incredulously.

"I won't hunt the Avatar anymore. I'll never regain my honor. There is no hope for me at all…"

" _No_  Zuko, you must never give into despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of  _Inner Strength_!"

He didn't have enough inner strength to ignore the aching chasm forever. He didn't have enough inner strength to go against Katara and do what he knew was right; capturing the Avatar and restoring his honor. He was going to do the _opposite_. Iroh words gave him no comfort. He was beyond hope.

"I'm sorry, here is where we part ways."

Iroh was baffled.

"But Zuko, where will you go?"

"It doesn't matter. Don't worry about me," Zuko got to his feet. It was time to go. He didn't get more than a couple steps before Iroh seized his arm.

"You aren't going anywhere until you tell me where you are going and what happened to you!" he wasn't tea-loving proverb spouting Uncle anymore, he was using his General Iroh - Dragon of the West - voice. It was loud and booming, and it frightened Zuko because Iroh _never_ yelled.

He was irrationally afraid that if Iroh found out the full extent of his treachery, he would react the same way his father had. Then he would have a completely ruined face.

"Uncle…  _please_. Please don't do this. Just - just let me go," he begged.

Something about what Zuko said - the quivering plaintive note in his voice - or the look on his face made Iroh snatch back his hand as if he were scalded.

"Zuko…" he said softly, eyes filled with strong emotion. He sighed heavily, his whole body seeming to sag and age with the action.

"Alright… if you must, _go_ Nephew. But we  _will_ meet again," he bowed low, clenched fist to open palm.

Zuko reciprocated the action.

"Good bye Uncle."

Zuko turned away quickly so Iroh wouldn't see his eyes filling with tears. They were tears of grief; after this he knew he would have no more ties with anyone in his family.

Because he didn't turn back, he never saw that Iroh was crying as well.

 

* * *

 

 

Zuko's scalp itched terribly as his hair started to grow back. It was an odd feeling, but easily ignored in favor of the pain in his chest from Katara's absence, and his misery over cutting ties with Iroh, and the Firenation.

He was once again at the mercy of the elements, but at least this time he was on land.

It was easy to find water to drink, he came across plenty of streams and rivers. It was easy to keep warm, he was a firebender and there was an abundance of brush and wood to make fire.

Food on the other hand, was tricky. Zuko had never prepared a meal for himself in his life, let alone hunting down and killing it or foraging for it. It was not as easy as he expected it to be; it was a very steep learning curve.

He was lucky to have escaped Azula's clutches with his supplies, which included enough provisions to last him a week,  _two_  if he rationed, but he was going to have to figure out how to procure food for himself eventually.

He hiked seemingly aimlessly through the rugged countryside. In reality, he went in whatever direction eased the ache in his chest the most, which had him travelling deeper and deeper into Earth Kingdom territory.

He marked his progress and trajectory on his map each evening by the light of his campfire and the stars.

At night he slept in fits and starts, always waking clawing at his chest until he remembered that the gaping chasm was in his head.

All his nightmares now centered on Katara being buried alive. Sometimes it was by earthbenders, and other times it was by an enraged Avatar. Every night she died in his dreams, and he was powerless to save her.

He would take his half of Katara's necklace out of his pocket every so often and run the pad of his thumb over the grooves of the three spirals, and down the raw uneven surface of the crack.

Holding the stone in his hand until it was warm from his body heat seemed to ease the blind panic the dreams pushed him into.

A few days after leaving Iroh, he had another vision…

_He was standing on a large wooden platform, surrounded by towering scaffolding that stretched towards the sky above him. He faced a girl dressed in deep burgundy, with her hair slicked back into two buns._

_Zuko knew her, it was Mai, his sister's childhood friend, and she was throwing knives at him._

_Water rippled at his fingertips, and he used it to fling wooden boards into the air in front of him. He heard a volley of thuds as Mai's daggers embedded themselves into the wood, where his head would have been._

_He turned around and flung out a tentacle of water to trip up a girl wearing pink. He recognized her too; Ty Lee, Azula's other good childhood friend. Ty Lee had been advancing towards Sokka, who was carrying a baby._

_If Zuko were in control, he would have done a double take of Sokka and the baby, because where in Agni's name did Sokka get a baby from? But he was just along for the ride. Katara was in control, and she was too busy fighting his sister's friends to stare at Sokka and a baby in shock._

_Mai darted in close and swiped at Katara with a small blade, but Katata drew up her water like a curtain and easily batted the blow aside._

_She followed up with a water whip, which Mai managed to dodge with a sideways roll._

_Suddenly Katara spun around and blasted all her water at Ty Lee, who had been trying to sneak up behind her._

_Ty Lee shrieked indignantly as she toppled off the edge of the stage, and then Katara smoothly drew the water back towards her body, spinning to face Mai once more._

_Mai kept her distance, no doubt wary of being blasted like Ty Lee._

_Katara lashed thin ribbons of water at Mai, which had her dodging left and right. Once Mai was off balance, Katara drew all her water together into a thick spout and sent it hurtling straight at Mai's chest._

_At the last moment, Mai bent over backwards to avoid the blow, simultaneously shooting a metal projectile out of her ankle cuff._

_Lightening quick, Katara drew back her water to form an icy shield which stopped the arrow inches from her face…_

_Zuko could hardly believe what he was seeing. Mai - quiet, shy, soft-spoken_ Mai _, was trying to kill someone in front of his eyes. He felt sick with anxiety for Katara._

 _Mai charged at Katara, a_   _shuriken at the ready. Before Mai could throw, Katara caught her arm with a watery tentacle, and then froze it solid, rendering her immobile._

_Mai struck the ice in frustration with her free arm, but it did not crack._

_And then as quickly as Katara had gained the upper hand, it was lost. She yelped and Zuko felt a series of quick sharp jabs around her shoulders. He caught a flash of pink, and then Ty Lee was cartwheeling past Katara to stand behind Mai._

_Her tentacle of immobilizing ice splashed down harmlessly into water. Katara moved her arms, and tried command the water once more, but it only rippled weakly. She gasped in horror._

" _How're you going to fight without your bending?" taunted Mai, pulling a wicked looking blade out of the voluminous folds of her robes. Zuko felt Katara's quick intake of breath at the sight, and he felt her tense as Mai's arm drew back to throw…_

_A blur of rapidly spinning metal knocked the blade out of Mai's hand._

" _I seem to manage!" interjected Sokka, catching his returning boomerang. He swooped low over them on the back of the sky bison._

_With a roar, the sky bison landed between Katara and the other two girls, before smacking down his mighty tail and blasting Mai and Ty Lee clear off the stage with a powerful gust of wind._

_Katara climbed up on the sky bison, and Zuko caught a glimpse of a sprawling Earth Kingdom city, with chutes that radiated outwards like the spokes of a spider web…_

…and then he woke with a start, breathing labored, chest aching. He was lying on the ground, staring up at the canopy. He must have dropped where he stood when the vision hit.

As he lay there, blinking at the dappled sunlight playing though the leaves, the name of the city came to him.

"Omashu… She's in Omashu!" he exclaimed aloud, sitting up swiftly. He felt galvanized with renewed purpose.

Zuko tore his map out of his bag, and unfolded it on the forest floor in front of him, impatiently smoothing out the creases.

Examining the map closely, he saw that he was about four days' journey from Omashu, provided he kept up a good clip. He could be there in just two if he cut through the foggy swamp, but he knew better than to do that. The foggy swamp was home to a host of dangerous, poisonous creatures, and there were rumors of cannibals lurking amongst the great banyan trees, waiting patiently for unsuspecting travelers to stumble into their clutches.

He would be of no use to anyone if he got eaten by cannibals.

Suddenly his heart seized with the realization that if Mai and Ty Lee were fighting Katara, that meant that _Azula_ was probably nearby too.

He didn't want Katara anywhere near Azula. She'd shot lighting at him, her  _brother._  She'd likely do worse, given the chance, to Katara and her friends.

For the rest of the day he set himself a punishing pace, practically flying through the forest. The ache in his chest and his worry pushed him onwards.

That night the buried-alive dreams gave way to a new, more disturbing theme. Katara, unable to bend, was chased through wooden scaffolding by an unseen foe that hurtled knives at her…

He stumbled onto a dirt road the next day. Following its meandering pathway through the forest proved to be lot quicker than beating through the bush, and by the time the sun starting going down he was pleased with the progress he’d made.

He was thinking about how thoroughly sick of _walking_ he was, and what he would give to have his ship back, or even a Komodo Rhino, when he heard voices up ahead.

He unsheathed his dagger and proceeded with caution.

It turned out to be two children, a little girl up a tree and a younger little boy on the ground. Zuko re-sheathed his dagger and tucked it away.

"Ilesh, you have to  _catch_  them or else they'll get bruised!" chided the girl.

"I'm trying!" whined the boy.

They were collecting moon peaches. The girl up the tree was picking them and dropping them to the boy below, however he was really struggling to catch them. There were more smashed moon peaches littering the forest floor around him than clutched in his tiny arms.

Both children had black hair, but that was where the similarities ended. The girl looked about six or seven, with pale skin and golden eyes. The boy was very small, only about four or five, with earth-kingdom green eyes that stood out in a startling contrast against his russet skin.

They were both barefoot and ragged, covered in a thin film of dust that muted the green of their clothing.

He wondered what they were doing out in the wilderness all alone, it wasn't safe for children and it was going to be nightfall soon.

As if to underscore his thoughts, the girl up the tree slipped as she stretched for a moon peach a little out of reach above her.

With a screech, she tumbled out of the tree, and Zuko heard a loud thud as her small body hit the ground, followed by an angry hissing sound.

_Uh oh_

"Ila!" the little boy dropped all his moon peaches to rush into the forest, but Zuko was quicker.

He grabbed the boy by the arm, said " _stay_ ," very firmly, before rushing towards the fallen girl himself.

She was laying on the ground, propped up on her elbows, eyes wide in fear.

Rearing up in front of her was an angry snake. It was frill-necked, and pulsating a deep angry red.

The girl must have disturbed it when she fell, and now it was coiled to strike.

The snake lunged, and Zuko reacted instinctively, leaping forward to put himself in front of the girl.

He raised a forearm defensively, and the snake sunk its fangs into his flesh. He grunted in pain, before grabbing the snake firmly with his other hand, and twisting deftly.

The snake released his forearm involuntarily, hissing and writhing angrily in his grip.

He threw it away from them, further into the forest. It landed in an angry red heap and bared its fangs at them, before slithering away into the foliage.

Zuko twisted his forearm to inspect the damage, pulling his ruined sleeve up out of the way.

There were two neat puncture holes, a few centimetres apart. They oozed blood, but it was trifling compared to injuries he'd sustained in the past. He pushed his sleeve back down, satisfied that he would suffer no lasting consequences.

Zuko turned around and looked down at the girl. Her face was pinched in pain, and she clutched at her right ankle. It was already swelling; she must have sprained it or broken it.

"Ila!" the boy came running towards them as fast as his short legs could carry him. He threw his little body into the girl's arms and started sobbing his heart out.

"I d-d-dropped all the m-moon p-peaches!" he blubbered.

"Ilesh, its okay-"

"B-but we w-wanted to g-give mom m-m-moon peaches!" he wailed.

Ila patted him on the head soothingly and his sobbing calmed to hiccups.

Both children turned to look at Zuko with identical wide-eyed stares.

"Are… are you alright mister?" ventured the girl, pointing at his ripped sleeve.

"I'm fine," Zuko's voice was raspy from disuse.

"Are you sure? I think that was a  _fire_ snake, didn't it bite you?" Zuko didn't know anything about fire snakes, but he felt fine…

"Are they poisonous?" he asked.

"Umm,  _sort_  of," Ila replied, doing a so-so gesture with one hand. Zuko blinked.

_That's comforting._

"Right… well, I  _think_ I'm fine," he said.

"It was probably just a  _red_  snake in that case," said the girl confidently, stroking her chin sagely. Zuko almost smiled; the serious look on her face was at odds with the fact that she was a just a child.

It was endearing.

She disentangled herself from the boy, and forced herself to her feet, wobbling dangerously on her good leg.

"Thanks for helping me," she said politely, trying to bow, and nearly falling over.

"I'm Ila, and this is my brother, Ilesh," she gestured to the boy. He grabbed Ila's arm and hid behind her shyly when Zuko glanced at him. They looked nothing alike…

Zuko mentally shrugged. It wasn't any of his business, and it wasn't unheard of for siblings to take strongly after one parent or the other, or to have a different parent completely...

"What's your name?" Ila looked at Zuko expectantly, shaking him out of his thoughts.

Right, his name. A name. _Any_ name. He couldn't go by Zuko anymore could he? He was on the run, and Zuko was distinctly Firenation, even if they didn't immediately connect the name to the Prince of the Firenation.

"I'm uhh… Lee," he blurted. Lee was a common enough Earth Kingdom name right?

"Do you want to come with us back to town?" asked Ila hopefully, "We can show you where the healer is so she can check your bite!" she enthused, "Although I'm sure it was just a red snake. If it were a fire snake you'd feel it by now," she continued.

"I said I'm fine, and I should really be going…" his chest prickled in agreement. He was finally on track; he couldn't afford to be side-tracked.

Ila's young face dropped in disappointment, and Ilesh stared up at him disapprovingly.

"Oh… well, me and my brother better be getting home. Come one Ilesh, mom'll freak out if we don't get back before dar-argh!"

Ila tried to take a step, but her leg buckled, and she fell on her backside. She looked up at him like a pitiful wounded kitten. Ilesh stared at him accusingly like Zuko had been the one to push her over.

Zuko sighed; he couldn't in good conscious leave two children in the middle of a forest defenseless and vulnerable, no matter how much his chest ached and screamed at him to continue moving towards his goal.

"Do you… do you want help getting home?" he asked awkwardly.

"Yes please!" Ila beamed.

Zuko had a sneaking suspicion that she'd been angling for his help the whole the time.

That was how he found himself kneeling on the muddy forest floor so that an Earth Kingdom peasant child could climb up on his back. Who would have thought.

Her scrawny arms hooked tightly around his neck, and he easily hefted her slight weight off the ground.

He entrusted his rucksack to the Ilesh to carry, a responsibility Zuko was pleased to see him take seriously, clasping the bag to his chest tightly as if he was afraid to drop it.

They followed the path out of the forest into a small town, Ila chattering in his ear the whole time.

Zuko learned that Ila and Ilesh were expecting a new baby brother or sister in the near future, and that the two of them wanted to do something nice for their mom because she was having trouble holding food down.

Ila lamented on Ilesh's inability to catch, and her own lackluster performance at tree climbing. She assured him that  _usually_  she was very good, it was just an off day for her, and then she launched into an anecdote about a past instance of successful tree-climbing.

Ilesh piped up in a complete non-sequitur and declared to Zuko that his favourite color was orange when Ila finally paused to take a breath.

"Orange is nice," mumbled Zuko, taking pity on the boy. It seemed like he just wanted to join in and wasn't sure how to get a word in edgewise.

Ila was a veritable fountain of words.

Zuko didn't say anything further, and thankfully they didn't seem to expect him to contribute anything to the conversation. Ila was adept enough at carrying it for all of them, with the occasional random injection from her brother.

A short walk later, they crested a hill and the village came into view.

It was quaint, the buildings all had matching green-tiled roofs and they were clustered around the main thoroughfare which cut a wide arc around a small lake.

It was then, looking down on the town, that Zuko started to feel odd.

His right forearm started feeling tingly, as if it had pins and needles. Strangely, he didn't feel concerned. It was as if all the urgency and worry had suddenly drained from his body, leaving him listless and unnaturally calm.

"Okay, our house is that way!" Zuko obediently walked in the direction Ila pointed.

“I wonder where everyone is, usually there’s _someone_ around. It’s late but the stalls don’t usually close _this_ early,” said Ila thoughtfully.

"You said that the fire snake is 'sort of' poisonous… What did you mean by that?" asked Zuko offhandedly.

The pins and needles were starting to feel more like hot metal pokers. His could feel sweat beading on his brows even though it wasn't a particularly hot day.

Ila wasn't heavy, but with every step he took it felt like her weight was becoming more and more like a millstone around his neck.

"Well, if you get bit it doesn't kill you, but it  _is_  really nasty. That's why we call it a fire snake."

Zuko was slow to answer, his thoughts felt like they were wading through molasses to get to his tongue.

"What do you mean? It isn't because they're red?"

"No, we call red snakes  _red snakes_  if they're red. Fire snakes are called fire snakes because if they bite you, you feel like you're on fire."

Zuko's arm certainly felt like it was close to catching on fire now, and the sensation was spreading to his elbow and his fingertips.

"This is our home!" Ilesh shrieked, darting up to one of the houses.

Zuko limply allowed Ila to slide off his back, and she hobbled after Ilesh.

"Come and meet our mom!" she invited.

"Give me a minute," replied Zuko weakly. 

He waited until she had entered the house to pull up his sleeve. It was difficult because his arm was shaking, and his fingers were enervated and slow to obey his commands.

The bite mark was inflamed and weeping a clear liquid. Angry red lines streaked away from the wound underneath his skin. Zuko stared at it for a moment, before allowing his arm to flop back down to his side. It was bad, yet he could barely muster up any concern. What was wrong with him?

“But _mom_ , we brought someone!” Ila’s voice rang out, making Zuko’s head snap up.

Ilesh was tugging a heavily pregnant woman behind him who shared his russet skin and green eyes. She looked harried and dishevelled. Ila brought up the rear, hobbling behind the pair.

“I don’t care if you brought me the Earth King himself! You two disappeared for _hours_! Do you know how worried I’ve been? Half the village is out combing the forest for you and-”

When the woman laid eyes on Zuko, she halted in her tracks and stopped talking abruptly, eyes wide in shock.

“He helped us get home after I fell and hurt my ankle, and scared off a red snake when it tried to attack me!” exclaimed Ila.

Zuko tried to move, he wasn’t sure whether he was going to try and leave, or try and greet the woman, but a blinding rain of sparks fell across his vision. He halted and swayed on the spot, shaking his head in an attempt to clear it.

All that did was make him lose his equilibrium, and he toppled over.

Next thing he knew, the hammering heat in his arm reached his shoulder and very rapidly started advancing across the rest of his body.

The temperature promptly ramped up until his whole body felt like it was well and truly on fire.

It felt just like the last time he'd been burnt, except it was his whole body alight this time instead of just his face.

He writhed, insensible to the world around him, desperately trying to escape the flames. It was no use, they only burned hotter. The apathy finally melted away, leaving behind pain and panic.

He heard the shadow of a cruel voice in his head,  _"You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher!"_

"P-p-please  _n-no_ , f-father I didn't mean to-" he choked out. There were tears spilling down his cheeks, and they felt like rivers of lava.

Someone pressed a cup to his lips, and an unfamiliar voice cut through the fiery haze around his brain and ordered him to drink.

He gulped down something cold and bitter, and then he knew nothing.

 

* * *

 

 

_He could hear a girl sobbing._

_Suddenly, he could see a girl sobbing too. He felt like he was in one of his visions again, but the view was all wrong. During all this other visions, he had viewed things from her perspective._

_This time, he could see Katara, kneeling beside the husk of an old dead tree in shallow water._

_She was sobbing like her heart was broken, and it made Zuko’s chest ache._

_No sooner than he wished he could approach her and made sure she was alright, did his body materialise, seemingly out of nowhere._

_“Katara? Are you okay?” he called, approaching hesitantly._

_She looked up, and gasped._

_“Zuko?” she intoned shakily, getting to her feet. She hastily wiped away her tears with the back of one hand. Tears still clung to her eyelashes, and Zuko itched to wipe them away._

_“Are you really here?” she asked cautiously,_

_“I don’t know…” wasn’t he just in a small Earth Kingdom Village? “What is this place?” he asked. The area around them was thick with looming aerial tree roots. It was shadowy, and there was a chill in the air that was distinctly unfriendly._

_“I’m not sure, there was a tornado and we fell off Appa… I think it’s a swamp of some kind.”_

_“You’re in the Foggy Swamp!?”_

_Katara was taken aback by the intensity in Zuko’s voice._

_“_ We’r _e in the foggy swamp,” she corrected slowly._

_“We have to get out of here! Now!” he rushed forward and tried to grasp one of Katara’s hands in his own, intending to pull her out of the swamp if he had to, but he passed through her as if he were a ghost._

_They both yelped in surprise._

_“Is this… is this my imagination? Are you not really here?” asked Katara shakily. Zuko looked down at his body; it had a pearly sheen. He held his hands up to the dull light filtering through the trees, and he found that they were slightly translucent._

_“T-this time it wasn’t a rhetorical question Zuko,” prompted Katara._

_“I’m really here. Or at least, I think my spirit is,” said Zuko slowly._

_Katara gasped, and looked like she was going to start sobbing again._

_“What? What is it?” asked Zuko in alarm._

_“We wondered what happened to you after the siege in the North, we looked for you but when we found no trace, we assumed you’d escaped. You didn’t… did you-” her words had spilled out so quickly that her tongue tripped up when she got to the salient point._

_“I_ did _get away. I didn’t die,” said Zuko quickly, understanding. Katara looked immensely relieved, and Zuko couldn’t help but feel a little gratified._

_“What happened to you Zuko? We need to get Aang to try and fix you-”_

_“Look, there isn’t any time for that. You need to get out of this place,_ now _. It isn’t safe.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“This swamp is filled with wild poisonous animals, and there are rumours of cannibals!”_

_“Well I can’t leave until I find Aang and Sokka, we were separated. Not to mention Momo and Appa.”_

_Zuko knew better than to say cut your losses and run. He was trying to think of an argument for leaving that would be palatable to her, when she spoke again._

_“Zuko, if your spirit is here with me, where did you leave your body?”_

_“Last I remember I was in a small Earth Kingdom Village… I got bitten by a snake.”_

_“What?! Are you alright!” Zuko shrugged._

_“A kid told me it wasn’t life threatening. I think I’ll live,” he said nonchalantly, “Now, how about we look for a way out of here so that-”_

_“Where is this village? What is it called?” Katara demanded, cutting him off._

_“I don’t know what it’s called, but it's four days’ travel on foot to Omashu if you head southeast.”_

_“Zuko, we need to meet again. For real, in person, not in spirit or whatever this is. I hate the idea of you wandering around without your heart-”_

_“If you fix me, I might hurt you. I already told you, just leave it,” said Zuko stubbornly._

_Katara huffed impatiently. It looked like she was gearing up to lecture him about why he was wrong, so Zuko quickly spoke again._

_“Look, you and your friends nearly die way too often. I’m looking for you anyway.”_

_“You are? Wait, what do you mean we nearly die way too often?”_

_“In less than a week you got buried alive,_ _and my sister’s friend nearly stabbed you-”_

_“Your sister’s-? Hold on, how do you know all this?”_

_“I’ll tell you everything when we meet in person. For now, I think we need to focus on finding your friends so you can get out of here.”_

_“Fine, fine, let’s start looki- Zuko! You’re fading away!”_

_Zuko looked down and saw that she was right, he was becoming more and more translucent by the second._

_“How will I find you!?” he could tell she was yelling, but her voice sounded as if it were coming to his ears from a great distance. His vision was getting dimmer and dimmer._

_“Don’t worry, I’ll find you.”_

_He disappeared back into nothingness._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? I haven't got any kids, were the children realistic? :) Please tell me!


	10. Flushing out the Venom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You better not even think about getting up. I'm seven months pregnant and I'm not meant to be doing any heavy lifting. If you pass out on the ground again, I will leave you there, even if you did save my daughter's life."

Zuko felt like he was floating in a dream.

" _Mom, will be he okay?"_ the voice was small and frightened.

" _Lee will be fine Ila,"_ a differentvoice, older, calm and confident.

" _It's all my fault, if I hadn't climbed that tree-"_

" _Sweetheart, there's no point in dwelling on the past-"_

Both voices faded away as Zuko slipped back into darkness.

* * *

He returned to proper consciousness in fits and starts.

His eyelids fluttered, his fingers twitched, and he groaned in pain.

His chest still hurt, and his head was pounding.

He opened his eyes fully, and saw a blurry face with golden eyes hovering above him.

"A…zula?" he murmured in confusion.

"Who's 'Zula'?" the face came into focus. Although the eyes - their shape and colour - were very similar to Azula's, her hair was messy in a way that Azula would never allow, her expression open and full of concern.

Zuko couldn't remember Azula ever genuinely expressing concern towards him.

He felt a pang of sadness, what had gone so wrong between them?

"Lee? Are you feeling better?"

What he was seeing finally registered with his brain, it was Ila.

Zuko sat up, and as he did a cool damp cloth fell from his forehead into his lap. The snake bite on his arm had been heavily bandaged.

Every muscle in his body protested against being upright, but he forced himself to remain vertical.

"Here let me help!"

Ila arranged his pillows behind his back so he could sit up comfortably.

"How lo-" his throat was so parched that his words tripped up and he found himself coughing his lungs up.

Ila thrust a cup of water into his hands.

"Mom said you might be thirsty when you woke up," she explained, as Zuko gulped down the water gratefully.

When he was done, Ila took his cup and Zuko wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"So are you feeling better now?"

He was dazed and a bit shaky, but at least he wasn't on fire anymore.

"Yeah-"

He grunted as Ila threw her skinny arms around his middle and squeezed tightly. Zuko remained motionless, staring down at her messy black hair in bewilderment.

"I'm so glad! We were so worried!" she released him and stepped back, "I'm going to go get mom!"

She took up a pair of crutches that were leaning against the wall, and made her way out of the room.

The room he was in was large and airy. His bed was one of four that were arranged in neat rows, and a smell that reminded him of the infirmary on his ship permeated the air.

Zuko waited until the rhythmic thump of her wooden crutch hitting the ground was out of earshot before moving.

He had no idea how long he had been out for, but his vision of Katara in the swamp was weighing heavily on his mind. He needed to leave _now_ , he'd already wasted too much time.

Zuko pushed the covers off himself and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

As he stood, and was horrified at how _weak_  he felt. Just shuffling a few steps forward had him panting with exertion and ready to keel over, but he was nothing if not determined.

He had managed to shuffle halfway across the room through sheer stubbornness before Ila returned with her mother and Ilesh in tow.

"What do you think you're doing out of bed young man?" their mother's voice was like steel as she stared him down. Despite being heavily pregnant and significantly shorter than Zuko, she was intimidating.

"I n-need to go-"

"You can barely walk, you aren't going anywhere," she said dismissively, "Now go and lie back down," she ordered.

" _No_ , I've already wasted too much time-"

He tried to take another step towards the door, but his legs gave out and he collapsed to the ground heavily.

" _Great_ , how am I going to get him back on the bed?" was the last thing he heard before passing out.

* * *

When he next woke up he was back on the bed somehow. He made as if to sit up, but a voice startled him into stillness:

"You  _better_ not even _think_  about getting up. I'm seven months pregnant and I'm not meant to be doing any heavy lifting. If you pass out on the ground again, I  _will_  leave you there, even if you did save my daughter's life."

It was Ila and Ilesh's mother, seated at his bedside.

" _Saved her life..?_  But… Ila said the snake wasn't poisonous?" he replied, blinking blearily.

"Do you  _feel_  like the snake wasn't poisonous?" she asked pointedly.

Every muscle in his body hurt. His head was pounding, his chest ached, and his nerves were fried and oversensitive.

"….No," he replied miserably.

"In all seriousness, adults generally survive fire snake bites. Its unpleasant, but you live. Children _don't_ live. Ila told me what you did for her -  _thank you_."

She took his hand and squeezed gratefully. Zuko was too slow and weak to protest, but luckily she released him quickly.

"My name is Ming-Na, and lucky for you I'm one of the healers of this village, as well as Ila and Ilesh's mom. Are you hungry?"

Zuko's stomach chose that moment to growl audibly.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Ming-Na left the room, (after extracting a promise from Zuko that he would  _not get up_ ) and returned a short while later with a tray of food, which she placed across his lap.

"Go on, eat before it gets cold," Ming-Na encouraged. She'd given him a bowl full of some sort of soup with noodles.

Zuko cautiously took a sip, and then he gulped a larger mouthful. It was good; savory, warm and filling. It awakened his appetite with a vengeance.

When he finished, Ming-Na wordlessly took away his empty bowl, and returned with a full one.

He drained every last drop, and felt much better for it once he was done.

"When can I leave?" he asked, getting straight down to business.

"You're very impatient, when you can walk more than four steps," replied Ming-Na wryly.

"How long will that take?"

"It depends on how long your body takes to flush the venom out of your system. It varies from person to person, but seeing as it's only been two days and you can already speak coherently, I'd say  _maybe_  as early as tomorrow.  _If_  you rest."

He'd been out for  _two days_  already?! He wanted nothing more than to spring up and leave that very second, the hole in his chest  _urged_ him to go, but he'd already fainted once. It would be foolish to push himself again, he'd only end up on the floor.

"So why are you in such a hurry to leave?"

"Uh… I'm… well, you see…" lying had never been his strong suit.

"Interesting..." remarked Ming-Na dryly, "What brought you to this town?" she continued.

He didn't even bother trying to stammer out a reply this time. He had no idea what to say, so he opted to keep his mouth clamped closed.

"Can you tell me anything at all about yourself? How about, how old you are?"

"I'm sixteen."

"That's awfully young to be travelling on your own," she stared at him pointedly, inviting him to elaborate.

He just shrugged. Ming-Na rolled her eyes.

"Okay fine, I won't pry. I  _do_  need to change the dressing on your arm though. Here, hold your arm out like this-"

Zuko did as he and told and Ming-Na unwrapped and bandages.

The twin puncture marks had scabbed over. There was a lingering puffy-pinkness around the area, but the snaking red vein-like lines were gone.

"This looks much better," murmured Ming-Na, "I was worried it would suppurate and that I'd have to do something drastic."

She applied an ointment to the pink area, before redressing his arm much more lightly than before.

It was strange allowing Ming-Na so close, allowing her to touch him. He'd been a terrible patient when receiving treatment for the burn on his face, lashing out at anyone who ventured too close.

He couldn't find it within himself to lash out at Ming-Na. There was something very maternal about her manner that he couldn't help but respond to with acquiescence.

"In a few days you won't even need to bandage it anymore."

She reached up towards his face suddenly, and Zuko flinched, catching her wrist in one of his hands.

"I just need to check your temperature; I was only going to touch your forehead. Is that okay?" she asked evenly.

Zuko nodded and forced himself to release her. Her hand felt cool against the skin of his forehead, and Zuko was forcibly reminded of when his mother had done the very same thing when he was a child.

Ming-Na clucked disapprovingly.

"Still too warm," she declared.

She gathered up the soiled bandages and left the room, returning a few minutes later with a steaming cup.

"Drink this tea, it'll help."

He accepted the cup and gingerly took a sip. It tasted sweet, but minty. There was a vague hint of ginger…

When he was finished Ming-Na took the cup off him and ordered him to lie down.

She put a cool cloth on his forehead, and it felt so good that he sighed in relief.

"If you need anything just yell. I'll leave you to get some rest. Try and sleep, if you can."

Once he was left alone, taking Ming-Na's advice was surprisingly easy.

He wondered if there was anything else in that tea, and then he dozed off.

* * *

He dreamed that Katara was up a tree picking moon peaches, and throwing them down to him. She reached out, too far out, for the last moon peach, and tumbled out of the tree. Zuko heard the thud of her body hitting the ground, he heard  _hissing_.

He ran towards her but he was too late, the snake was lunging for her neck…

He woke with a start, drenched in sweat, and breathing heavily.

"Are you okay?" he yelped in surprise to find Ila's face inches from his own. Her small hand was gripping his.

"I'm fine," he choked out, shaking her off and shifting to put more distance between them.

"I heard you talking in your sleep and it looked like you were having a nightmare, so I woke you up," she stared at him expectantly, eyes luminous from the light of a candle on the side table. It was dark out. How long had he slept for?

"Are you really going to leave? Tomorrow?" questioned Ila, fidgeting with the handle of one of her crutches.

Zuko nodded in confirmation.

"Mom thinks you should stay longer and rest more so you heal properly," fretted Ila.

"I'm stronger than she thinks," Zuko replied.

"Do you  _have_  to go?"

"Yes."

"Are you  _sure_? Because… you could stay here with us. You could have my room; I don't mind sharing with Ilesh-"

"I can't stay. There's someone I need to find," said Zuko firmly.

"Are you looking for your family?" she asked with no guile, just honest curiosity.

Zuko's shoulders slumped.

"No… I haven't really got a family…"  _not anymore._

"We could be your family!" replied Ila excitedly, "You can be a family even if you aren't blood related. My birth mother died when I was a baby, so mom took me in... We could be  _your_ family too. All you need to make a family is love," her naivety and earnestness brought a lump to his throat.

"You don't want me in your family.  _Trust_  me," he dismissed roughly.

Their conversation was cut short when Ming-Na appeared in the doorway.

"Ila, leave Lee alone. He needs to rest, and you should be in bed."

Ila pouted, but obeyed her mother.

Instead of shutting the door and leaving him alone (like he wanted) Ming-Na entered the room.

"You look much better," she said, laying the back of her hand against his forehead. This time Zuko kept obligingly still.

"Your temperature is much better too. You slept so long that you missed dinner, I'll bring you something."

Once he had a tray of food on his lap, Ming-Na took the seat at his bedside and neatly folded her hands together on top of her round belly.

"Go on, eat," she encouraged when Zuko eyed her warily. She was making herself comfortable, which meant that she was probably going to ask him some more questions he couldn't answer.

"Ila didn't tell you the whole story," she began.

Zuko chewed his roast duck and swallowed before replying.

"About… the snakes?" he guessed. Ila had talked  _a lot_  of things at him. Ming-Na chuckled.

"No. Not about the snakes. About her  _mother_."

_Her mother…_

Ming-Na's voice took on a much more serious tone.

"I was the healer than attended Ila's birth. She was born in a town closer to the coast… my birth town. It's gone now," Meng-Na got a far-away look in her eye, like she was picturing a place dear to her heart that didn't exist anymore.

"For Ila's mother, the labor was very difficult. Halfway through, there was a Firenation raid, but by then it was too late to try and move her. By the time Ila was actually born, everything was burning."

"Everything?" Zuko echoed.

"The houses, the crops, and market place, and Ostrich horse stables, everything went up."

"Why did the Firenation attack your town?" Zuko asked.

"Apparently it was on top of a good source of metal ore. They burned everything down to make way for a mine."

Something cold and heavy settled in Zuko's stomach. They weren't supposed to be burning down villages, the Firenation was supposed to be  _improving_  them. Giving people a better life with their superior technology.

"Anyway, after the birth, Ila's mother was very weak... She'd lost a lot of blood. She begged me to take her daughter and run. The house next door was on fire, and the soldiers were closing in, so I did as she asked. I _fled_ ," there was a lot of pain and bitterness packed into that single word.

"Ila has been with me ever since," Ming-Na continued, "I've raised her as my own. I  _love_  her as if she were my own."

"Why are you telling me this?" Zuko asked, genuinely confused. This story was  _personal_. He was practically a stranger.

"Because, you could stay with us Lee. If you wanted too. I hope I'm not overstepping any bounds when I say that this town is very tolerant of children of with Firenation blood."

Zuko flinched, and broke into a cool sweat.

"W-what do you mean? Y-you think I have Firenation blood?" he stammered.

"Are you saying you don't?" challenged Ming-Na. Upon seeing the stricken look on his face, she continued.

"Relax, I don't hold it against you."

"How did you know?" Zuko questioned hoarsely.

"It was the way the snake bite affected you. You burned much too hot when the venom was in your system to be anything other than a firebender."

"If you knew I was a firebender… why did you help me?"

"A few reasons. First, because you saved my daughter's life. Second, because you're just a kid, and third… because of your scar."

Zuko reached up to touch it involuntarily. It was as waxy and lifeless as ever.

"My scar?"

"I'm a healer. I can tell that wound was inflicted on you deliberately by a firebender. How old were you?"

"…T-thirteen," his voice hitched. The pity on Ming-Na's face was almost more than he could bear.

"The firenation has hurt you too," she said simply.

 _I deserved it! It was my own fault!_  Zuko wanted to scream. But he didn't.

"Are you any good? As a firebender I mean?" asked Ming-Na briskly. She seemed to sense that he had been about to snap, so she moved the conversation along.

He thought about Azula overpowering him with pathetic ease. He thought about her lightening…

"Not really," he said baldly. Ming-Na looked disappointed.

"So you're untrained too?"

"I didn't say that, I've had training."

In the firenation, all firebenders got at least basic training for control. Untrained, a firebender was a hazard to themselves and everyone around them, liable to accidentally set things on fire and burn things down.

"Ila is a firebender. There are three or four other children in the village that are probably going to turn out to be firebenders too. They're younger than her, so we aren't sure yet, but all of them will need training. Ila nearly burned the house down last time she had a nightmare-"

"Wait, hang on. I don't understand. Ila and these other children… they have firenation blood?  _How_?"

"Their fathers were firenation and their mothers are Earth Kingdom."

"And you… You want _me_  to stay and train them?"

"Yes. You could settle down here. You would be accepted if you did that for our children, no matter what your background is."

Privately Zuko disagreed, if they knew who he really was he'd be dead. There was one point about her story that was bothering him…

"If these kids all have fathers that are firebenders, why do you need me?"

Ming-Na eyed him oddly.

"...Can't- Can't one of their fathers train them…?" he clarified haltingly.

"None of their fathers are here."

"But… But why? If they married Earth Kingdom women and had children with them-"

"None of them married."

A tendril of unease uncurled itself in the pit of his stomach.

"I don't understand."

"Lee, there isn't nice way to put this, but… none of the women consented to becoming pregnant. Do you understand? They were forced by firenation soldiers."

Zuko's face blanched. His stomach revolted. Ming-Na's face swam out of focus in front of him.

"No _…_  That-that's  _sick_  and  _wrong_! W-why would they do that?!" he cried. Something in his chest was cracking,  _fracturing_.

Firenation soldiers were supposed to comport themselves with  _honor_.

They weren't supposed to rape women, and father children. They weren't supposed to abandon those children in a foreign nation where no one knew how to train firebenders.

"How could this have happened? Why didn't anyone stop them?"

"I don't know why Lee. The world is at war. Awful things happen," replied Ming-Na sadly.

"It shouldn't happen!" he snarled vehemently.  _The Firelord shouldn't allow it to happen…_

A horrible thought occurred to him.

"Ming-Na… you- you're-" his eyes darted down to her swollen stomach. Ming-Na's eyes widened in understanding.

"No no, I have a husband. He's away fighting in the war, but he  _is_  this little one's father, as well as Ilesh's," she explained hurriedly.

"I didn't mean to upset you Lee," she continued.

"I'm not upset," he snapped.

Ming-Na just looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"You've barely touched your dinner."

He hadn't taken another bite since she'd started talking.

"I'm not hungry anymore," he said churlishly.

"Lee, please just think about what I said. About staying here with us, and teaching Ila and the others. You look like you've been through a lot. You could stop running, and make a home here. If you want," said Ming-Na gently.

She took his barely picked-over plate away, and blew out the candle, wishing him a good night as she left.

Ila and the other children needed someone to teach them. Of that he was certain.

He was equally certain that it couldn't be him.

He needed to find Katara.

He resolved to leave at the earliest opportunity to continue his search.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was soooo hard to write! Every sentence was like pulling teeth ugh! I'm not even sure if I'm very happy with it! Sorry if this was boring to read, I feel like nothing much happened, but Zuko needed time to heal and its over now, on to meeting up with the Gaang! :D


	11. Indecision and Teaching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was the right thing to do? Stay and teach, or leave and search?

Very early the next morning, hours before sunrise, Zuko was unceremoniously awakened by a rhythmic tapping somewhere outside the house.

He was curled on his side with his arms tightly crossed against his chest, as if in his sleep he'd been attempting to alleviate the hollowness by coiling tightly around it. It didn't really work; his chest hurt regardless of what position he was in.

He'd been jolted from a dream where Katara was alone and upset, running through the swamp as if she were being chased by demons. It took a moment for him to regain his equanimity, and once he did, he remained still, listening intently.

He heard the echo of lumbering footsteps, a door swung open, and then there was the low rumble of an unfamiliar voice. He heard Ming-Na hum a reply, something he couldn't make out, and then the door snapped shut.

Two sets of footsteps reverberated closer and closer, and every muscle in Zuko's body tensed, ready for fight or flight.

Had Ming-Na figured out who he was? Did the villagers decide that they didn't want to tolerate him after all? Had Azula found him?

The door to his room slid open carefully, and Zuko clenched both hands into fists that were ready to burst into flame at a moment's notice…

"You have to be quiet, I have a patient here resting-" whispered Ming-Na.

The tension slowly drained from Zuko's body at the realization that they weren't here for him. He lay still.

"Sure, sorry about this," the other voice was deeper; a man.

"Sit here," Ming-Na ordered.

There was the light scrape of a chair being pushed back, the sound of trickling water, and then a sharp intake of breath.

"These burns… it's  _bad_. How did this happen?" murmured Ming-Na.

_Burns?_

Zuko resisted the urge to turn over and look.

"…Akai," whispered the man heavily.

The answer must have made sense to Ming-Na because she made a sympathetic sound.

"You know how he's afraid of the dark? He-" the man suddenly hissed through his teeth as though something had hurt him.

"Sorry, I know it stings, but I have to disinfect it. Hold still," whispered Ming-Na apologetically.

The room was quiet except for the gentle sound of lapping water, and sliding cloth.

"What were you saying about Akai? He's afraid of the dark?" murmured Ming-Na a few minutes later. Zuko deduced that Akai must be a child.

"Yes. He accidentally set fire to his bedclothes when he tried to light a candle. The more upset and afraid he got, the more the fire seemed to grow. I swear, it was like a living thing…" the man trailed off hoarsely. Zuko knew from personal experience that fire responded to emotions - particularly strong emotions - if a bender was inexperienced or lacked control.

_Does that mean…_

"So you're certain?" questioned Ming-Na urgently, mirroring Zuko's thoughts.

"Yes. He _must_  be a  _firebender_ ," the man said  _firebender_  as if it was a horrible contagious disease, and Zuko internally bristled.

Having a bender in the family brought pride and honor in the Firenation… and then he remembered why there were firebenders here in an Earth Kingdom village in the first place, and his ire was immediately snuffed out.

"He can't control it… it _frightens_  him. There isn't anyone to teach him… what can we do?" the man muttered hopelessly.

_Can't control it… it frightens him…_

The statement hit Zuko like a punch in the gut. It was surprising to him just how much it distressed him.

Firebending was an extension of himself, Zuko couldn't imagine being  _afraid_  of it any more than he could imagine being afraid of his own limbs.

Bending was freedom, bending was  _joy_. It felt deeply  _wrong_  to him for a bender to be afraid of their ability.

"I've been lucky with Ila. We've had mishaps, but… well, you know what she's like."

A heavy silence settled between the pair.

"There, that's the best I can do for now," whispered Ming-Na eventually.

The chair scraped back, and the floor boards creaked as they left the room.

"You'll have to come back sometime tomorrow evening so I can put another poultice on it, as well as some fresh bandages-" The door slid shut behind them, and Ming-Na's speech was cut off.

Zuko listened to their footsteps trail away. The man left the house, and the floorboards creaked as Ming-Na padded back to her room heavily.

The house was silent once more, but Zuko lay awake in contemplation.

I was easy to decide to leave, no  _abandon_ , the children when Ming-Na had spoken about them in general terms. When he was still reeling from her revelation.

The only one he'd met, Ila, was such an outspoken and precocious child that it had been easy to rationalize that she would be okay. That Katara needed him more.

He wasn't so sure anymore.

As a Prince of the Firenation, he had a duty to his people, and the children who were firebenders _were_  his people. The acts that had brought them into existence were pure evil, an awful stain upon the honor of the Firenation, and he felt honor-bound to try and make up for what had happened, impossible though it may be.

On the other hand, Katara needed him, and he yearned for her presence. Did she make it out of the swamp? He told her he'd find her. Their group was a magnet for trouble, it was only a matter of time before someone or something tried to kill or capture them.

What was the right thing to do? Stay and teach, or leave and search?

 _What would Katara do_ …

" _I deserve to learn how to defend myself!_ " she'd screamed at Master Pakku. It was obvious that she'd been  _starving_  to learn her whole life... The answer of what she would do came to him easily.

_She would stay and teach them… I should stay and teach them._

The void in his chest protested swiftly and violently, making Zuko curl into a tighter ball, and bite his lip hard enough to draw blood.

And then another factor occurred to him,  _Azula_. She was probably searching for him. The longer he stayed in one place, the more likely she was to catch up with him. He didn't want these people to get caught in the inevitable crossfire. They'd been through enough.

He suddenly wished he could speak with Iroh.

Iroh would give him a cup of tea and a proverb. Before, he'd  _hated_  Iroh's proverbs. They never made any sense, and why couldn't the old man just say what he meant plainly?

He never would have thought that he'd give almost  _anything_  to hear another proverb, to be offered a soothing cup of jasmine tea.

He missed Iroh's steady presence almost as much as he longed for Katara. He wished he'd listened to Iroh's advice when he'd had the chance.

Now he was on his own.

He tentatively made a decision…

_I'll stay long enough to show them the basics._

He gasped as his chest felt like it was being crushed in a vice-like grip. He clawed at it, desperate to alleviate the pressure, he couldn't  _breathe_. Apparently his decision wasn't acceptable to the chasm.

 _I'll only stay for a few days, long enough to teach them control. I owe them that much, and then I'll leave._ He thought desperately.

The pressure eased enough to allow him to suck in greedy gulps of air. He took it as tacit permission for his chosen course of action.

 _Why does everything have to be so difficult?_  he thought morosely.

He rolled over and tried to get more sleep, but it was no use.

He lay awake until he heard the tell-tale sounds of the family starting their day.

When he got out of bed, he was pleased to find that he was strong enough to walk under his own power. He was still shaky, but no longer in any danger of passing out.

For the first time since arriving, he ventured out of the room they'd put him in.

The home beyond the room painted the picture of a family that lived frugally; it was sparse and threadbare.

He followed the homey sounds and smells down a narrow corridor, and found himself in the kitchen.

Ila, Ilesh and Ming-Na were kneeling around a small table with steaming bowls of something he didn't recognise set out in front of them.

Ila spotted him first.

"Lee!" she exclaimed, causing Ilesh and Ming-Na to turn towards him.

"Lee, you're up! Come sit down and eat," Ming-Na struggled to her feet.

"Oh, no you don't have to-" she waved off his concern.

" _Sit_. I'll fix you a bowl."

He did as he was told. He wondered if it was just him she had such an…  _obedient_ effect on.

"I'll do it," he blurted as Ming-Na handed him some food.

The bowl nearly ended up overturned his lap.

"You will?" hope was shining in every line of Ming-Na's careworn face, and Zuko felt in his bones the rightness of staying.  _Teaching_. His chest gave a twinge, a prickly reminder that he couldn't stay long.

"I can show them the basics before I leave. I can only stay a few days…"

Ming-Na looked disappointed, but she didn't push him.

"What are you going to do?" asked Ila curiously.

"He's going to teach you firebending," replied Ming-Na.

Ila gasped and her chop sticks clattered into her bowl.

"I like jook!" exclaimed Ilesh randomly.

* * *

It took a lot of convincing on Zuko's part to get Ming-Na to allow him to begin that very day.

She thought he still needed to rest, "You could barely walk yesterday, what makes you think you'll be able to bend?"

"I won't be bending. I'll be  _teaching_."

"How can you teach bending without  _actually bending_?"

"They're just starting, the most I'll do is light some candles, maybe make some flame-balls."

Ming-Na gave him a dubious look.

" _Small_ flame-balls-" he amended, "-and I'm perfectly capable of lighting candles. I'm not an invalid anymore."

Eventually she relented, and he found himself down by the river later that afternoon with an assortment of jittery children and adults watching him speculatively.

It looked like the whole village had turned up to gawk at the spectacle.

He spotted the man who Ming-Na must have patched up the night before; both of his hands were heavily bandaged.

He was around the same age as Ming-Na, somewhere in his thirties, with Earth Kingdom green eyes and black hair.

There was a tiny boy beside him, clinging to one of his wrists above the bandages. The boy's eyes were golden, just like Ila's.

"Okay everyone, listen up," announced Ming-Na. Everyone quietened and looked at her attentively.

It seemed that Ming-Na's talent for eliciting compliance was universal.

"This is Lee. He's a firebender, and he's willing to teach the kids."

As one, every pair of eyes turned to look at him. The children looked curious, while the adults looked wary.

"Ming-Na, you know we trust your judgement, but how do you know this boy is trustworthy?" questioned a small woman with nervous fluttering hands.

"I agree with Ling," seconded an old man with flinty eyes, "How can we be sure your firebender is  _tame_?" he spat distastefully.

"I'm not an animal, don't talk about me like I'm not here," Zuko snapped, making quite a few people recoil in apprehension.

"Alright,  _you_  tell us then-" said another woman, hugging a young girl to her chest, "Why should we trust you with our children?"

He sighed heavily, what exactly did they think he was going to do? Roast them for breakfast when they weren't looking? They were  _children_ for Agni's sake _._

"Look, untrained firebenders are _dangerous_. They can accidentally hurt themselves, and others if they don't learn control. That's all I'm going to teach them:  _control_."

"Is that what happened to your face boy? You lose control?" taunted the old man with flinty eyes.

" _Yattu_!" censured Ming-Na furiously.

Zuko felt his face crack into a feral snarl, and then the crowd erupted into furious whispers.  _Distrustful_  whispers.

With considerably effort, he reigned in his temper. He just wanted to help, he didn't want these people to fear him.

"This wasn't an accident," he said roughly, fingertips brushing the glossy ridges of his scar lightly.

"Everyone listen to me carefully," said Ming-Na in a dangerously low voice. In that moment, despite being short and pregnant, she looked truly intimidating. The whispers halted abruptly. She had everyone's undivided attention.

"The wound that caused Lee's scar was inflicted on him when he was a child. It was  _deliberate_. It was  _controlled_. It was on  _purpose_. If any of you say another word about it, you will have  _me_  to answer to."

The proclamation was met with dead silence.

Ming-Na stared down every adult in the crowd imperiously with her arms crossed above her swollen belly. Her face was thunderous.

 _It was a punishment. I deserved it…_ thought Zuko miserably, shifting his weight uncomfortably.

"Now, Lee here is the one who found Ila and Ilesh and brought them home. He took a fire snake bite for Ila, and probably saved her life. Out of the goodness of his heart, he has offered to stay here for the next few days and teach our children firebending. Do any of you have a problem with that?" challenged Ming-Na.

No one dared to meet her eye.

" _Good_. Now, if you're here to learn, come closer," she ordered.

Ila hobbled over to stand by him with no trace of apprehension, and a few other children followed her lead timidly. They were all either clinging to, or closely followed by a parent or guardian.

Zuko counted five children, including Ila.

"The rest of you, go away. Shows over," declared Ming-Na.

With a little grumbling, the crowd began to disperse.

"How do you do that?" asked Zuko in awe.

"Do what?" asked Ming-Na, turning towards him.

"You tell people what to do, and then they  _actually_  do it."

It was more than that; when she spoke, people  _listened_.

Ming-Na smiled wryly.

"The trick is to order them to do it like it's a foregone conclusion that they will," she confided.

Her expression softened, "I'm really sorry, I didn't expect it to turn into a such a circus," she put a hand on his shoulder, "If anyone gives you any trouble, let me know and I'll straighten them out," she said firmly, giving his shoulder a squeeze.

The idea of a diminutive pregnant woman 'straightening out' anyone on his behalf would have been laughable a day ago.

Now Zuko knew better, the woman had a backbone of  _steel_.

He was oddly touched that she was using that backbone of steel to defend him. He didn't need it; he could handle himself, but still… it was  _nice_.

She turned her attention to the remaining small knot of people.

"I know you're all worried, but we have to give them some space to work. Yun, can you made something for us to watch from over there?"

The man with burnt hands stepped forward and stomped on the ground a few times, raising a series of benches from the earth an easy distance away.

"You can take it from here Lee?"

He nodded. Ming-Na gave him an encouraging smile before forcibly leading the adults away to the new benches.

Zuko turned his attention to his pupils.

Five tiny faces stared up at him expectantly, and he suddenly felt nervous.

"Alright, let's start with your names," he declared with more confidence than he felt.

Ila launched into introductions.

"This is Akai-" she pointed at the tiny boy who'd been hanging off the sleeve of the man with burnt hands, "-that's Gopan-" she gestured to a boy with shaggy black hair and light brown eyes, "-this is Song-" she nodded to a girl with dark skin and tip-tilted golden eyes, "-and he's Chan," a thin boy with dark skin and serious eyes gave a tiny nod.

 _Akai, Gopan, Song, Chan, Ila._ He repeated in his head.

"Okay, I want you to all sit down in a semi-circle and watch and listen carefully."

They scrambled to obey his command.

Zuko's firebending training had been very aggressive, all about cultivating ferocity and mastering the physical forms to produce the most fire as swiftly as possible.

He was pushed, and pushed until he was shaking from exhaustion, until all the chi was wrung from his body.

He knew that this would be the wrong approach with these children.

He had been raised to fight, to go to war. These children just needed to learn not to be afraid of themselves or burn things down.

Mindful of the adults watching his every move, Zuko cupped his palms and slowly produced a small flickering flame.

"Firebending in and of itself is  _not_ something to fear-" he made the tiny flame condense into a small ball, and had the ball float gently around the circle. The children watched with rapt attention. He extinguished it.

"-But you do need to respect it, in order to learn how to control it," he continued, "Unlike other benders, firebenders produce their element using their chi as a source. Put your hand up if you've produced fire on your own before."

Ila's hand went up, along with Akai and Gopan.

"How about if you've manipulated an existing fire?"

They stared at him blankly.

"For example, if you've made a candle flicker or burn brighter," he elaborated. Everyone's hands went up.

"Good, that means that all of you can connect to fire. Today we're going to practice using our breath to _control_  fire."

He set out five candles, one in front of each student, and lit them all with a flick of his wrist.

He sat cross-legged facing the group.

"I want each of you to concentrate on the flame in front of you. Connect to it,  _feel_  it burning, and breathe deeply. Once you connect to your fire, when you inhale in it should shrink, and when you exhale it should grow, like this."

Zuko took control of the five burning candles easily. He breathed in deeply and the flames flickered low, and then he let it out and the flames flared to the size of moon peaches.

The children gasped, clearly impressed. It occurred to Zuko that his simple displays were probably first deliberate firebending any of them had witnessed.

Once all of them had more or less gotten the hang of it, Zuko had them try snuffing the flames out completely.

This proved much more challenging for all of them.

"No, you can't just hold your breath," he explained hastily, as a few of them became dangerously red in the face, "Keep breathing, but every time you inhale,  _will_ the flame to get as small as possible. When you exhale, try not to let it get big again."

It took some time, but with a little coaxing they all managed to put out their candles with their bending.

Zuko then relit them all and made them do it over and over again.

They practiced feeling and controlling fire through breath until the shadows had lengthened and the sun started dipping below the horizon.

Zuko was surprised, it had been  _hours_. The children had been remarkably focused and well-behaved. If it were him, he'd have been chomping at the bit to learn more. Demanding to be shown the next move, to be let through to the next step.

"Let's call it a day," he declared, waving his hand to put out the candles.

"Will you show us more tomorrow?" asked Gopan timidly.

"Sure, same time same place," he replied. To his astonishment, jubilant smiles broke out on all their faces.

He felt his lips automatically upturn in response.

"Thanks Sifu Lee!" said Ila, getting to her feet and bowing.

"Thanks Sifu Lee!" "Yeah, thanks Sifu Lee!" chorused the other children, following Ila's lead and getting up to bow.

If Katara didn't have his heart, it would have swelled with pride.

He went to stand and bow back, but the little firebending that he had done must have taken a lot more out of him than he thought, because got a sudden case of vertigo and had to immediately sit back down.

He put his head between his knees and breathed deeply, desperately trying to cling to consciousness.

"Lee? Are you okay?" Ming-Na materialized by his side. He felt her lay a hand against his back.

"I'm fine," he bit out stubbornly, willing his head to stop spinning.

"I knew you needed more rest! Yun, can you give me a hand? You need to come back with me anyway so I can check your hands."

"Is Lee okay mom?" asked Ila fearfully.

"He'll be okay sweetie. Now Lee, do you think you can get up for us?"

He raised his head and was surprised to find many concerned faces looking down at him.

He forced himself to his feet. He stumbled a little, but managed to stay standing.

Yun appeared by his side He gripped one of his arms and put it over his shoulder.

Zuko was so out of it that he didn't protest.

The journey home was a blur; all he could focus on was putting one foot in front of the other.

Ming-Na had Yun deposit him in the kitchen.

She forced him to eat a meal, which he barely tasted, before bundling him off back to his room.

He fell asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow.

**Author's Note:**

> Review? :)


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